Young couples often do not consider the physical, emotional and mental exhaustion that can come with having children. While parenting is rewarding, no one ever said it was easy. For couples, babies bring about a lot of changes to their relationship dynamic. The sleep deprivation and constant diaper changes are one aspect, but here are 5 reasons why having children will change your marriage.
#1 What attracts you to your partner changes after a sleepless, s*xless few months.
You may find yourself less turned on by your partner’s looks and more by the way he just cleaned the spit up off the couch and managed to do the dishes before midnight. And by turned on, I mean ready for bed.
“Many couples find a decrease in frequency and a decrease in their desire due to so many obligations competing for their attention.” says Andrea Ramsay Speers, parenting coach. “It’s important to keep this part of your relationship alive.”
#2 Cuddling can become less prevalent.
A lot of your physical love and energy goes towards your child, and this may cause a slip in how much body to body intimacy you show your partner. It is important not to disconnect yourself even when you feel like a zombie. A hug or a little back rub may not seem like something you have to remind yourself to do with your partner right now, but once baby comes along you will find yourself scheduling it in.
#3 You’ll be really tired.
“It’s no secret that babies impact your sleep, but very few people are prepared for just how tired they’re going to be and for how long.” says Speers. “Fatigue impacts daytime functioning, mood, ability to cope with stress and change, and makes us much more likely to be short and ill-tempered with our spouses, which doesn’t exactly help the marriage.”
This is why it is important to note when you are feeling stressed and burned out so you can express your feelings to your partner without blowing up. Maybe it’s time to call Grandma over to babysit while the two of you take a much needed nap.
#4 You may see a different side to your spouse.
“Some couples can get along just fine until they become parents,” says Speers, “and then, all of the differences between them and the expectations they brought with them to the marriage suddenly become apparent .It’s easy to turn that frustration or feeling of inadequacy onto their partners, and take out their negative feelings on the one person who’s in it with them.”
#5 Not all of that ‘new side to your spouse’ will be bad.
Just because you’ve now seen how your partner handles stress doesn’t mean you won’t see a new light to them that is beautiful. They are a parent now. Watching them coo and cuddle with baby, tenderly feed and dress them and sing them songs to help them fall asleep will warm your heart.
What are your thoughts? How did having children change your relationship?
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