1. “I only ever have intimate dreams about you.”
Women tend to have wilder dreams than men, and they’re also more likely to remember them. Some suspect this has to do with hormonal changes in conjunction with the menstrual cycle. Whatever the case, it follows that women’s intimate dreams are richer in detail than men’s, and that they’re able to call on the particulars of their fantasies much more easily. When a woman wakes up in a sweat from a spectacular sensual dream, she aches to reinsert herself back into the erotic fantasy her mind designed just for her. Since that’s not possible, though, she’s likely to settle for the satisfaction that comes from recounting her dream to her partner—with one little tweak, of course: The male lead, she reports, was her boyfriend.
2. “I’ve never fooled around with any of my guy friends.”
By the Rule of Threes, we know to multiply the number of guys a woman claims she’s slept with by three. But it’s a lot trickier to figure out which of her male friends she’s fooled around with. If a woman is intent on maintaining friendships with other guys, it would be plain old dumb for her to confirm a past tryst with a current buddy. Very few guys are secure enough to handle that kind of information, let alone condone hangout sessions between their girlfriend and her former flame. Humans are territorial by nature. So unless a lady is ready and willing to let go of a particular bond, she’ll reassure her boyfriend, time and again, that she has never laid hands on any of her male friends. Isn’t a lie told in the name of friendship the whitest kind there is?
3. “I barely ever masturbate now that we’re together.”
Most men like to visualize female masturbation. But they also want to feel like they’re contributing so many orgasms to their girlfriend’s life that she no longer has to touch herself as often as she once did. To play into the narrative that she’s now more satisfied than ever, a woman in a relationship is likely to underestimate how often she massages her own vagina. When a woman declares, out of the blue, that she hasn’t masturbated that day, she probably has. Meanwhile, general comments like “I haven’t had to use my vibrator in weeks,” are typically flat out lies. It’s not that she’s dependent on self-stimulation, but that masturbating is fun in its own special way.
4. “I’ve only ever slept with people I’m serious about.”
The stretch of time between a modern woman’s first period (what scientists refer to as menses) and the day she decides to settle down with a long-term partner is longer than ever before. Basically, women today are waiting a long ass time from the point they go through puberty and become interested in sex to the point they’re actually considering procreation. That means there’s a lot more room in the modern lady’s life for carnal experimentation before she even thinks about making babies. And guess what? A lot of women are making the best of it. That’s why you hear so much about hookup culture amongst the 20-something set. It’s a real phenomenon with a biological explanation. So it’s not unlikely that your girlfriend played around for a while. Maybe she went through a phase when she was generous with blowjobs, or a little more willing to lower her standards to get laid. Just don’t expect her to admit it.
5. “You’re the best and biggest I’ve ever been with.”
Even if you took your girlfriend’s virginity, she’s probably seen, touched, or mouthed a bunch of other penises in her day. Through past encounters, every woman develops some sense of what a “normal” penis (from her experience) looks and feels like. But no matter where a woman’s boyfriend falls on her personal penis scale, she will act impressed by his package and reassure him that he is one—if not the—biggest she’s ever been with. For starters, penis size (unlike vaginal tightness) isn’t something you can do much about, so a woman might as well make her man feel like he’s well equipped. Plus, since penises (unlike breasts) aren’t really visible to the outside world, it’s harder for guys to draw comparisons that might derail the belief instilled in them by their partner, so the fib is safe from dismantling. A natural offshoot of this is for a woman to tell her boyfriend that he’s more skilled in the sack than any of her previous lovers.
6. In reference to your hot friend: “He’s just not my type.”
Women tend to go out of their way to announce their lack of attraction to their partner’s most attractive friend(s). “I just don’t see it,” she’ll say. Or, “I guess he’s good looking, objectively speaking, but you’re definitely hotter.” Women like to nip potential male insecurity in the butt. Plus, once she establishes that she’s not at all impressed by your handsomest male friends, she can have fun flirting with them without irking you so much.
7. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted.”
A “dream guy” is Ryan Gosling. Few others even come close. It’s just the way that it is. But since it’s probably better for a man’s ego not to be exposed to this truth, his girlfriend regularly tells him that he meets all the criteria on her mental list of what constitutes the ideal male.
8. “That guy was totally (not) hitting on me.”
When a woman reports that someone was or was not hitting on her, she’s usually exaggerating or underplaying whatever took place. In the former scenario, she’s trying to spark a little jealousy in her man—to remind him of her market value and to see how he reacts so she can assess how passionately he feels towards her. In the latter case, she’s trying to prevent him from causing a scene by punching another dude in the face. In reports and denials of overt flirtation, there’s almost always an ulterior motive in play.
9. “Of course I’ve never faked it.”
Faking sensual satisfaction too often is counterproductive because a man is likely to start associating specific moves with increased pleasure when no such connection exists. But every woman fakes it once in a while, to some degree. Female sexuality is an especially complicated beast that’s tricky to decipher and when you’re having sex regularly, not every time can be the best. If a woman senses that her boyfriend’s waiting for an orgasm she’ll never have before coming himself, she’s likely to moan and groan in the name of getting on with the show. Women understand that a little vocal reinforcement can go a long way. They also know better than to taint an experience by being truthful about a fraudulent climax.
10. “My parents adore you.”
It may be true that mom and dad like you better than all the others—but probably not to the extent that your girlfriend claims, or for the reasons she cites. Claims of parental approval are just a win-win: An easy compliment to give, and a surefire way to make a man feel superior to his predecessor(s). Truthfully, good parents measure the guy their daughter brings home on the basis of how well he treats their child and much less so on his individual characteristics.
How many of these have you heard or used?
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