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It’s as subjective to the individual who is having it as any other fantasy — as we all have our own unique backgrounds… it is very common. Some different ways that this fantasy has been viewed are as another version of a ‘submission’ fantasy; it also falls along a common theme of common fantasies. It is so taboo and ‘wrong’ that it turns us on thinking about how ‘dangerous’ it is. Another possibility is that our fathers can be the templates of what we view as a strong partner. Keep in mind that because we fantasize about something, this does not mean that we would want a fantasy to cross over into the threshold of reality by any means. -Caitlyn Caracciolo, MFT
Our society encourages independence and self-sufficiency. The majority of our day we spend needing to be in control and ‘have it together.’ Being dominated allows us to safely give up control and ‘submit’ to someone else’s agenda. -Emmalee Bierly, MFT
Being choked and/or slapped is sort of like a ‘light kink’ for many people. It allows you to explore your kinky side without too much masochism. -Emmalee Bierly, MFT
There could be many different reasons for this, as this is unique to every individual and dependent on a variety of factors, such as background history and the dynamics of the different relationships peppered throughout your life. Some reasons… could be associating sex with being ‘bad’ and associating ‘being bad’ with the freedom to express your deepest sexual desires; it could be a form of intimacy (i.e. only my partner knows this side of me, or it’s turning me on how vulnerable I am able to safely be around this person, etc.); or it could feel like another form of submission or dominance. -Caitlyn Caracciolo, MFT
…Some females may enjoy it because they are able to be present, and it can take away from of the anxiety of feeling insecure about your physical appearance. For males, it can be one of the best positions because it gives them more control and allows them to be a little more dominating. -Emmalee Bierly, MFT
Porn gives us an escape and a safe outlet to let our fantasies run wild, so just because you are turned on by a certain porn genre doesn’t mean that you actually want to act out that fantasy. Lesbian porn tends to focus more on clitoral stimulation, oral sex and, in general, legitimate pleasure of a female. Because of this focus, it can be more of a turn on for females to watch. -Emmalee Bierly, MFT
One of the best positions would be cowgirl, especially if your partner has pubic hair, it can provide more clitoral stimulation. Also, if your partner is able to position himself sitting up with pillows behind him. -Emmalee Bierly, MFT
When we are bitten or feel light to moderate pain, we experience arousal just like when we experience sexual stimulation… [it] is technically called odaxelagnia. Keep in mind, though, that biting is not everyone’s cup of tea, and everyone’s pain tolerance is different. -Caitlyn Caracciolo, MFT
Yes. One condom per person, per sexual act. -Emmalee Bierly, MFTUgh. Sorry to burst your orgasmic bubble, guys. This isn’t a porno.
It’s even easier to fantasize about someone else when you can’t see [his or her] face! -Caitlyn Caracciolo, MFT
For the men who do enjoy it, it is a pleasure centre just like any erogenous zone. Ask your partner what type of pressure and sensation [he] enjoys in [his] testicles before diving in! -Emmalee Bierly, MFT
To begin, squirting is NOT female ejaculation… It is basically urine. We don’t know if any woman can do it, and if you want to get closer to trying, focus on g-spot stimulation, have extreme sexual confidence and a full bladder. -Emmalee Bierly, MFT
It’s usually nothing personal toward your partner. Don’t read into it; it does NOT mean you are not attracted to [him or her]. The sexual unlocks the fantastical; we all have our sexual fantasies. When we are with just one partner sexually, that doesn’t mean that all of our fantasies revolve around [him or her]. -Caitlyn Caracciolo, MFT
A fetish is commonly defined as an intense desire, fantasy or behaviour centering on a sexual attraction involving an object, body part or activity that is necessary for sexual climax. If someone has a true fetish, [he or she] cannot climax without the presence of the fetishized object, body part or activity. A more common example of a fetish centering on a body part is a foot fetish, one involving an inanimate object could be women’s underwear, and a fetish involving an activity could be smoking. Now, if you can orgasm without the fetishized object, body part or activity, then it is not a true fetish and could more accurately be described as a ‘kink.’ A kink can be described as an object, activity or situation that you find consistently and intensely erotic, but is not essential for you to have a successful sexual encounter. A fantasy is commonly defined as a mental image or thought that excites your sexuality. There are endless sexual fantasies, as well as, nonsexual fantasies that run through our minds. There are some that we would love to become a reality and others that could not be farther away from what we would want to happen in reality — and may even be downright against our own morals and values. -Caitlyn Caracciolo, MFTDoes that answer your questions? Follow us on Instagram here: [caption id="attachment_98030" align="alignnone" width="199"]
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