This one is for all my pasty peeps out there! If you are anything like me, you have a serious love/hate with the sun. Read on to see how many of these
1. You have to invest in serious sunscreen stock.
You spend a quarter of your budget on the stuff and just can't understand why it isn't offered for free, as a public service!
2. Sunscreen acne.
Gross but true reality of skin that is never actually allowed to breathe!
3. You have to be basically fully-clothed at the beach.
If you're looking for skin, you won't find it here. Wide hats, glasses, shawls, wraps, sarongs. It is like traveling with your closest.
4. So many freckles. All the freckles.
You go from having a few spots in the winter to watching them grow and spread until you are more or less one giant freckle.
5. You don't tan.
You burn. Sometimes so severely you bubble.
6. The peeling.
After the burn, comes the peeling. You know it is coming, you know it cannot be avoided. If only it could happen all at once, like a snake shedding its skin.
7. You have like ten hats.
Despite hat head and sweaty hair. Despite the fact that you are just NOT suited to hats, they are a summer time clothing staple.
8. Being insanely vigilant about moles and sun spots.
You know the big C is out there, and you know you are a likely target. Some say you are paranoid, you prefer to think you are vigilant.
9. Thinking you look like Marilyn Monroe lounging on the beach in a head scarf and shades.
You know in reality you are a long way from alabaster skinned screen legend, but well, screw reality. Today, you're Marilyn.
10. You can't even fake tan.
You are orange. You are either white, or orange.
11. You have to beg off from outdoor activities even when you really want to go.
You want to hit the lake with your pals. Head out on the boat, have some beers but well, you don't your skin to catch fire.
12. You always have to know where the shade is.
You are your own sun dial. You are hyper aware of sun position and are never without shade in sight.
13. Your bright blue veins are so attractive in a bikini!
It looks like a road map on your skin. Hey, those other girls are just jealous!
14. Your white, white skin always looks a little flabby in the sunlight.
Tan adds a toned look. It's okay, I'm happy with beached beluga, really....
15. When you inevitably do get burned, people will ask you why you didn't put on sunscreen.
Breathe. DO NOT THROW PUNCHES.
16. People assume your vacation was cancelled.
Or that it rained the entire time. How else do you explain a lack of tan?
17. Knowing this is as colorful as your skin gets.
You are still white but you aren't wintertime transparent so you might as well show some skin! Why should tanners have all the fun?