No matter how much you work to put yourself back together, no matter how much you heal and move on, the cracks are still there. Think of it like a smashed vase. You can glue it back together, it holds strong, looks beautiful but the cracks are still there. When it comes to your heart and your spirit, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. Pain is a great teacher. Without the scars of the past, it is harder to remember what you've learned.
The truth is, most people don't actually ever let go completely of the person who hurt them most.
Here are 17 ways
that the person who broke you, is still playing a role in your life:
1. You’re overcome with emotion, if only from time to time.
Sometimes you manage to keep your history with him/her out of your mind for long periods of time. But sometimes, now and then, it is all you can think about. These moments may be few and far between, but they still happen.
2. You look to all the good times when times get hard.
Your relationship highs were highs and the lows were, well, low. It was that massive back and forth swing that broke you in the end but it is okay to remember the good times now. Think about them when your current reality needs some cheering.
3. You measure everyone else by all the things you loved about your ex.
Sometimes, your ex treated you well. And in those moments, it was exactly the way you want to be treated in a relationship. Only you want it all of the time, not some of it. So, you hold all potential future mates to that standard of awesome and look for one with more consistency.
4. You learned what you’ll accept and what you won’t.
As mentioned above, you measure all romantic newcomers by the good and bad in the one who broke you. No one is perfect, but you do know your limits. If the person your dating's less than ideal side is less than acceptable, you will NOT hesitate to cut ties. Not this time around.
5. You dismiss potential relationships much sooner than the average person.
You were in love. You know what love feels like. If what you're feeling in your current relationship isn't love, you will not stay.
6. There’s a good chance you’re still trying to fill those cracks — most likely by less than ideal means.
If you were broken, you are going to try to find ways to patch yourself back up. Unfortunately, this isn't always easy and it often involves indulging in some very bad habits.
7. People think you’re pessimistic; you think you’re realistic.
This may be true, maybe it isn't. Our experiences in love always feel unique. Like no one could ever understand which is, of course, not really the case. Maybe we are just too quick to dismiss those who say we are being pessimistic because we like thinking our love was greater than all those that have come before.
8. You know the next time you fall in love, you’ll make it work.
You know how have a better understanding of what it takes to make a relationship work. You know you won't make the same mistakes again. They hurt too much to risk making them again.
9. You’ve become more egocentric.
Since your heartbreak, you've become your number one priority. You are there for those who matter most to you, but for anyone else, you don't have the time.
10. You’re likely to be even more driven than before.
Being broken by the one you loved can lead you to extremes. You will be more motivated to follow your goals and dreams. Or, you will not be motivated at all. Which path you follow depends on you. Either way, you are taking big chances.
11. You respect yourself more.
You were hurt. Really hurt. You were mistreated and disrespected. You now know that the only way you will get respect is to demand it and all of that starts with respecting yourself.
12. You consider the possibility true love doesn’t exist, but every fiber in your body hopes it does.
Your fairytale fantasies have faded away. You were in love and it ended badly. But you were in love. So it does exist and can be found again.
13. You think about second chances.
Sometimes, when you are broken by someone it is just timing. You know if a second chance presented itself, you could make it work. But most of the time, you are exhausted by it and just want to move on.
14. When other relationships don’t work out, your mind goes back to the one who broke you.
You were distracted for a bit but because this past mate is the benchmark for all others, your thoughts go back to that space.
15. Some of the most basic, everyday things you do are influenced by that person’s memory.
You find yourself doing things a certain way because you know that person would have liked it that way. The worst part, you like things done that way now too.
16. Even though you’ve healed, there will always be scars.
Maybe not always. You don't know for certain. Even if you meet a new partner, anything you have with them will be build on top of the wreckage of the previous relationship. We are an accumulation of our experiences. Try to be positive about it.
17. You know that you found true love once; you can do it again.
You know it is possible. It isn't easy, the pain of the past will be hard to move through. You know it can happen. Make sure it happens.
Brokenness and scars don't have to be the end. Use your pain to go after what it is you truly want. You've got the power. And you know what, you owe it to yourself. You've got this!