You've finally met someone and are amazingly happy. You have common interests and life goals. You feel connected. You feel happy. This is getting serious and it is exactly what you both have been waiting your lives for when something happens that hits you like a brick upside the head: your ex texts you or decides to call.
You've not spoken in months and this event has you feeling scattered and hurt. Doesn't it always seem they reappear just as you are ready to move on for good? Your feelings about it may be complicated but you've got to sort them out. Maybe you still have some feeling there, maybe you just don't want to hurt his/her feelings because you still ultimately care about the person's well being -- they were important to you for a time. It may not be clear. But what is clear, you haven't set hard boundaries when it comes to this person. Here is why you need to do so ASAP:
1. Your ex will continue to linger.
Trust me on this one. I had an ex that would reappear every few months. This went on for years -- still does from time to time, I'm not perfect. I never return the message or make plans to see him but it hurts.
You ex may want you to give him another shot. Or give the new, improved and enlightened him another shot. Or, he may just have an inability to let you go and will do everything he can to prevent you from moving on completely.
You need to be clear. You've moved on. Block the number if you have to. There should be no hard feelings but in this case, you have no control over what he feels so you cannot make that your reason for leaving the window open a crack.
2. You aren't putting yourself first.
Trying to avoid hurting someone else's feelings when it upsets your own is not fair to you.
There is nothing wrong with fondly remembering your ex. You had good times, no doubt. But that person is an ex for a reason. Each time you let them back into your life, even briefly, you rob yourself of a piece of your future. By letting them in, answering the message, meeting for coffee, whatever, you cheat yourself by letting the past influence how you feel right now.
3. You're hurting your new partner.
Exes can stress current relationships. It upsets you and places you in your past instead of in the right now with your partner. It can disrupt your flow and your relationship progress. Why focus on all the cracks in an old foundation when you've already started working on a new one? Sure, it is important not to repeat the past, but you can't do that if you are living in the middle of it. The person you are with loves you now, give them that chance!
4. You're not helping the situation.
You aren't really protecting your ex's feelings. If you've allowed this person to believe there is a chance to get back together, when it is clear to you that it will never happen, you are being hurtful. You are just delaying the inevitable. Stop prolonging it. That's just torture and totally unfair. If you do still care about how this person makes out in life, cut them loose.
5. You need to get real.
Perhaps your ex hasn't met anyone yet and hasn't found what makes him/her happy in life. You have. That's probably triggered them to reach out. You have to be 100% honest when they do. You've found happiness. By being up front about this, you give your ex a chance to look for it too. If it isn't going to be with you, they need to know. When you really think about it, wouldn't you want someone to be straight up with you in the same scenario? You deserve it and no matter how horribly it may have ended, your ex deserves it too.
Be honest, be open. It is the kindest thing you can do for your ex, yourself and your future.
h/t: Elite Daily