One weak strength about me (I call it a weak strength because it is both a weakness and a strength of mine) is that I am too naive at times. I like to believe the best in people, that people can eventually change their ways. And when they show me that they haven't, it hurts.
It's kinda like, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I am a moron."
I give one too many chances and often get burned. But then I realized, I needed to respect and to value myself enough to not let people treat me that way and to just walk away-especially now that I have a son. How he sees me react to a negative person or situation will alter how he learns to deal with the negative himself. I want him to be smart, bold, strong, and respectful of himself. Also, I do not want toxic people around or near my son whatsoever.
You wouldn’t hesitate to cut toxins out of your diet, nor would you think twice before removing toxic substances from areas where your children play, so why is it that we are so hesitant to remove toxic people from our lives? The most obvious reason is that most of us like to avoid conflict and don’t want to hurt another human being’s feelings. This is where it is okay to put YOU first.
Toxic relationships can cause anxiety, depression, paranoia, and hurt feelings. I have been there-I even grew up in it. But now that I am an adult and within my own home with my own family, I can finally control who I do and don't allow in my life.
Here are ways to cut toxic people from your life:
- Get out of denial. Being naive is okay to an extent, but when you are in a relationship that brings harm to your life, it is time to take off those rose tinted glasses and realize what YOU are allowing to happen to YOU. That boyfriend who has been cheating on or hitting you? That parent who has been emotionally abusing you and telling you that you are worthless? That friend who only calls you when he or she needs a favor, but does not have your back when you need them? Yeah, THOSE PEOPLE. Get out of denial and realize that these relationships are not healthy. Once you realize this, you can move on easier.
- Cut them off socially. Block them on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram-whatever social platform that they may contact you on. You do not need to hear from them because this will only take you back into your denial.
- Block the numbers. Call the phone company and have their number blocked asap! Also, iPhone has this nice little feature that allows you to block calls and texts-straight from your phone.
- Surround yourself with the positive. Go be with the people who only lift you up higher and higher. Repeat positive affirmations to yourself in the mirror, telling yourself that: 1) You love YOU, 2) You respect you, and 3) You are WORTHY.
- Rest & rebuild you. The energy it takes to endure withdrawal to a toxic relationship is equivalent to working a full-time job. Truthfully, this may be the hardest work you’ve ever done. In addition to support from people who understand your undertaking, you must keep the rest of your life simple. You need rest and solitude.
It is certainly okay to have high hopes and to trust that people can change. Some actually can. From my experience, one quote sums it all up, though:
"When people show you who they are, believe them the first time" - Maya Angelou
To follow along in my new journey of toxic-free relationships, double click on the image below: