I can't tell you if all these laws are still on the books, but my goodness, it is very funny to think that they were. I can't imagine the circumstances around some of these things being outlawed. Have a peek. Have a giggle.
Keeping one dildo in your house is fine; having two is illegal. Unmarried sex, even between consenting adults, is a felony. In the town of Cottonwood, you’re allowed to have sex in a car so long as it doesn’t have “flat wheels.” Female breasts are not considered “private parts,” so it is perfectly legal to flaunt your taters in public.
Skinny-dipping is illegal throughout the state. Flirtation and “lascivious banter” between the sexes is illegal in Little Rock.
Men in Santa Cruz are forbidden from having threesomes with a mother and her daughter. Let's keep this one on the books, or make it a global UN resolution.
In the town of Walnut, men are not allowed to dress as women without the sheriff’s permission. It is illegal throughout the state to sell items that resemble breasts within 1,000 feet of a highway.
While in a hotel room, it is only legal for a woman to be naked in the bathroom.
In the town of Cali, a bride’s mother must witness the first act of intercourse between the married couple.
Kissing a sleeping woman is against the law in Logan County.
All “private sexual behavior between consenting adults” is illegal. On Sundays in Hartford, men who kiss their wives commit a crime.
You can’t have sex on a stationary motorcycle in London, you can’t do it “on the steps of any church after the sun goes down” in Birmingham, and female clerks in Liverpool are only allowed to go topless while working in a tropical-fish store.
All sexual positions besides missionary are outlawed. Men are forbidden from kissing a woman’s boobs during sex. Unmarried women are forbidden to parachute on Sundays. A Miami law forbids men from wearing strapless gowns. And all sex acts between humans and porcupines are illegal.
Changing a storefront mannequin’s clothes in Columbus, GA, is illegal unless the shades are drawn. Sex toys are illegal in the town of Sandy Springs.
12. HONG KONG
Women in Hong Kong who catch their husbands cheating are only allowed to kill him with their bare hands, but they are permitted to kill the other woman by whatever means necessary.
Public erections are against the law throughout the state. In the town of Oblong, men are forbidden from hunting and fishing while making love, but only on their wedding day.
Men are forbidden by law to be sexually aroused in public places.
Masturbation is illegal.
In the town of Ames, husbands must take no more than three sips of beer while in bed with their wives after sex. Throughout the state, kisses cannot last more than five minutes.
Husbands are required by law to engage in sex “with the wife at least once every four months.”
A state law declares that “No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club….The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to male horses.”
Men are prohibited from lustfully staring at statues of women and female animals.
Men are permitted to have sex with female animals, but indulging in carnal relations with male animals yields the death penalty.
It is perfectly legal to have sex with human corpses.
Taxi drivers in Buckfield, ME, aren’t allowed to charge a monetary fare to any customers who provide them with “sexual favors” while being driven home from a bar or other place which sells liquor.
Orally pleasuring humans or animals is illegal and classified under “perverted” and “unnatural” sex acts.
Women throughout the state are forbidden from being on top during sex. It’s against the law for anyone to sleep naked in Salem motel rooms.
Detroit couples are only allowed to have sex in a car while parked on their own property. Men in the Motor City cannot legally “ogle” a woman while driving past her. In Clawson, a lonely farmer can legally “sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.”
All sadomasochistic acts are verboten
, including theatrical and literary depictions. One can be fined for engaging in adultery or premarital sex.
Corsets are forbidden among the merry women of Merryville, because “the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male.”
Couples who have sex in their front yard after sundown in Bozeman are required to wear clothes. Likewise, women in Helena who choose to dance on saloon tables must be wearing at least three pounds and two ounces of clothing.
Anal sex is punishable by up to 20 years in the Big House. Hotel guests in Hastings, NE, are forbidden to be naked. The hotel owner is to provide them with nightshirts, which are required by law to be worn during sex. If you have gonorrhea, it is illegal to get married.
Are you a state lawmaker who’s thinking about wearing a penis costume during a legislative session? Forget about it—it’s illegal.
31. NEW JERSEY
“Mutual masturbation” between men could yield the perps up to three years in the pokey. In Liberty Corner, a possible jail sentence faces couples who accidentally honk their horn while having sex in a car. It is illegal to flirt in Haddon Township.
32. NEW MEXICO
All oral sex is illegal and can yield up to ten years in prison. In Carlsbad, it’s OK for couples to have sex in their car during a lunch break, but only if their vehicle has curtains which prevent onlookers from witnessing the act.
33. NEW YORK
Fathers in Staten Island are not permitted to call their son a “faggot” or “queer” in response to alleged “girlie behavior.” In Manhattan, a $25 fine may be levied against flirtatious men who turn around on the street to look “at a woman in that way.”
34. NORTH DAKOTA
In Fargo, you cannot swim naked in the Red River between 8AM and 8PM.
Cleveland women are not permitted to wear patent-leather shoes because they may reflect their underwear. Women in Oxford are forbidden to strip naked in front of a man’s photo. Homosexual come-ons are forbidden if it offends the person being approached.
If you’re a woman in Schulter, don’t even think about gambling while nude. And if you’re a man in Clinton, you could be arrested for masturbating while watching a couple have sex in a car at a drive-in. You are not allowed to have sex with animals inside establishments where alcohol is served..
In Willowdale, men are not permitted to utter profanities during sex. Two people are not allowed to share the same bathroom stall.
Homosexuals are castrated and then exiled.
Female toll-booth collectors—but not males—are prohibited from having sex with truck drivers while working in their toll booths. Oral sex, anal sex, and incest are all forbidden by law.
Sex with alpacas is forbidden. Unmarried men are forbidden to cohabitate with female alpacas. A law dating to 1583 metes out the death penalty for homosexuality, bestiality, and pedophilia.
41. SOUTH CAROLINA
If a woman sleeps with a man after he promises to marry her, he is forced by law to marry her.
42. SOUTH DAKOTA
Couples are forbidden from having sex on the floor between beds in all Sioux Falls hotels. Oral sex brings a possible ten-year bid in the pen. Prostitutes throughout the state are forbidden to turn tricks inside covered wagons. It is a crime to have a public erection.
43. RHODE ISLAND
State law describes oral sex as an “abominable, detestable crime against nature” which could yield up to a decade behind bars.
Women are permitted to own a maximum of six dildos.
Husbands who catch their wives in flagrante delicto
with another man can either kill both of them or cut off his wife’s nose and her lover’s balls. All men in Montevideo who have sex with their wives during menstruation are to be fined and given 200 lashes in public.
Throughout the state, sex with animals is legal unless it’s done for profit. You are forbidden to marry your first cousin until both of you are 65 or older.
Unmarried men and women in Valencia are forbidden to have sex with deformed people and anyone widely considered to be an “idiot.”
Patting a woman’s ass in Norfolk could land you in jail for two months. Having sex in a moving motorcycle sidecar has likewise been abolished in Norfolk. In Lebanon, a man cannot legally kick his wife out of bed.
49. WASHINGTON, D.C.
Missionary style is the only sexual position allowed by law.
Authorities are permitted to seize your car if you use it to drive a sex worker to work. Seattle women who sit on men’s laps while riding a bus or train must place a pillow between themselves and the man or risk six months in jail.
h/t: Thought Catalog