Is there anything that hurts more than casually creeping around Facebook and finding your ex is engaged? That 'official' announcement feels like a door slamming in your face. Maybe you haven't spoken in ages (I'm talking, years here) but still you had a small fantasy that you were the one that got away. That he was a pining, broken man while you were out living your fabulous life. He's found someone. And it isn't you.
You were probably over it but it can't help but feel a little bit like you've lost the war. He won the breakup. It is a well known fact that whoever gets engaged first is the one who fires that final, fatal shot.
And you, well, you are going to die alone only to be found half eaten by your 53 cats.
what goes through your mind at that moment of tragic discovery:
1. I need to get off Facebook
3. This can't be real
4. Wait. Is it?
5. Let me just click through every picture of him from the last 2 years.
6. This isn't real
7. Holy Sh*t
8. It's real
9. He’s f*cking getting married
10. He is looking really hot these days, too
11. He’s literally getting married.
12. We just broke up!
13. 3 years ago
14. How is he over me?
15. Is it obvious if I deactivate my Facebook that this is the reason?
16. This is clearly about me
17. Why didn’t anyone warn me about this?
18. My friends are horrible people
19. I need to call my BFF immediately and have her come over.
20. With wine.
21. Why is he so lame that he has to put this on Facebook?
22. Is this directed at me?
23. It’s so directed at me.
24. It’s sad that he’s settling and getting married right now
25. They’re going to have a child before I even have a boyfriend.
26. She isn’t pretty.
27. Like her body is good, but her face isn’t.
28. They’re going to be divorced in two seconds.
29. I’m going to make sure their marriage is over in two seconds.
30. Will I be invited to the wedding?
31. If I were invited, would it be a pity invite?
32. I’m going to wear the sluttiest outfit to this wedding.
33. I don’t even have a plus one.
34. Does he know my cousins?
35. I could bring my cousin.
36. I’m going on a cleanse until the wedding
37. Should I drunk dial him and say congratulations?
38. What am I talking about?
39. We haven't spoken since we broke up.
40. I can’t believe he took the dog.
41. I miss the dog.
42. Who even gets married anymore?
43. It’s just a stupid piece of paper.
44. A stupid piece of paper that I want more than anything in this world.
45. Wow. I am going to be single forever.
46. Why am I not the one getting married?
47. What’s wrong with me?
48. I’m never going to find love.
49. F*ck it.
50. I bet she's pregnant.
Any of this sound familiar to you? Don't be shy. Fess up in a comment.