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The 6 Types Of Sex You May Be Having

April 02, 2015 3 min read

Better than having "no sex" (maybe), here are 6 types of sex you could be having:

1. The "I'm So Bored" Sex

This type of sex occurs in the middle of the afternoon on the weekend. Nothing else going on, why not? kind of sex. This sex has mixed results. Boredom might inspire you to try a whole whack of new, fun and exciting things or it might be boring sex. You might be uninspired and spend so time trying to make the sex happen that it just never really does. This type of sex usually occurs between couples. If this is happening between you and the stranger you just met at the bar, it might be time to give up sex and take up a hobby.

2. The "I Love You So Much, Beb" Sex

This sex is a wonderful way to convey your feelings for your partner. The goal of this sex is to leave your partner with the feeling of being so loved they might explode. This is the sex where you treat your partner's body like the rare and precious gift that it is. You take your time, you drink it all in. When it is over, you both fall back on the pillow and everything just feels right. 4928253254_couple_taking_bubble_bath_wallpaper_answer_2_xlarge

3. The "I Hate Myself" Sex

Although no one likes to admit to it, this type of sex happens often. Usually during the college years or one's twenties. The partner candidates for this type of sex include but are not limited to: your ex, an unattractive stranger you met at a bar, your cab driver, your best friend’s significant other, a musician in an indie rock buzz band, a misogynist, and somebody’s husband/wife. This type of sex usually precipitates a spiral of shame that continues until you feel you have been duly punished. Sex is wonderful and you've just made it shameful. The only way to stop this type of sex is to take a step back and love yourself. Not an easy task in your early twenties when life seems long and you have no idea where you are headed.

4. The "I Don't Care About You So Byeeeee" Sex

Think friends with benefits with less friend and more benefit. This sex happens with someone you like and respect but don't feel any sort of emotional investment. You know you can never fall in love. So, basically you let go, have amazing sex and don't have to kick them out as soon as you've caught your breath. This type of 'relationship' is rare so if you happen upon it, hold on with both hands. You don't feel self conscious with this partner, you can get your freak on without worry. If they judge you, no big deal, they can leave.

5. The "This Is More Funny Than Sexy" Sex

This sex occurs between partners that probably shouldn't be having sex in the first place. There is often something about this sex that just doesn't quite work, likely it is just the fact that the partners don't really have a strong desire to see the other without clothes. Having said that, this sex can still be really nice. Sex with a sense of humour doesn't happen nearly as much as it should. It is refreshing, embrace it for now.

couple_bed

 6. The "This Is Nice..." Sex

This sex occurs when one or both of the participants is mild mannered. The sex becomes a manifestation of that personality type. It is sweet and inoffensive, mellow. This sex is seldom good or bad. It also often fails to make an impression. When you are no longer sleeping with that person, you won't be able to remember the sex no matter how hard you try. Number 5 reads like my memoir, does this list speak to your experience? Did we miss anything? What type of sex are you having? Don't be shy.

   

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