70 Thoughts a Girl has with Bikini Season 60 Days Away

Does springtime make you happy or cause you to freak out a little? Elite Daily has composed this hilarious, and frighteningly accurate, list of things that run through our minds as summer approaches.

1. F*UCK.
2. SH*T.
3. UGH.
4. No Way.
5. This has got to be some sort of sick joke.
6. I need to scroll through my Facebook photos from last summer for motivation.
7. Jesus Christ, why did I think that was a smart decision?
8. Oh, wow, I love that bathing suit, I wonder where it is now.
9. I should definitely go through my bathing suit drawer.
10. I have nothing else to do right now, let's have a fashion show.
11. WTF. Half this sh*t doesn't fit...
12. OMG I need to start doing two-a-days.
13. How long until Memorial Day?
14. The weather usually sucks around that time, I can probably get away with rocking a cover up.
15. Who am I kidding? There are terrible rationalizations.
16. I'm f*cking starving. 
17. Why am I always f*cking starving?
18. Maybe this is my problem.
19. This is definitely my problem.
20. Why can't Sour Patch Kids be healthy?!
21. Should I stop smoking weed?
22. HAHAHAHAHAHA
23. I would never sleep.
24. Or relax.
25. Or tolerate people if I did something as foolish as that.
26. This means I have to start waxing again, doesn't it?
27. I don't have the cash flow or the pain tolerance to deal with that sh*t.
28. If you don't plan that out perfectly, you can be left with some nasty repercussions.
29. Bleh, I can't even think about that right now.
30. At least it'll mean it'll increase my chances of getting laid.
31. Ok, so basically, just going to have to start from scratch and buy all new bathing suits.
32. Ha! What am I going to sacrifice for that fund?
33. I guess groceries would make the most sense, right?
34. Absolutely not. I could never give up food, who am I kidding?
35. Bye-bye delivery.
36. I wonder where my first vacation will be.
37. Will I even be able to afford a vacation considering the top part of a bathing suit is upward of $70 alone?
38. How are you expected to even buy the bottom?
39. Guess my first stop will be a nude beach!
40. Guess that's all the motivation I need to hit the damn gym.
41. Why can't unhealthy food be healthy?
42. I have no issue sustaining a diet of purely Domino's Thin Crust pizza.
43. That sh*t is impressive if you ask me.
44. But noooo, I'll be living the life of a rabbit for the foreseeable future.
45. Bring on the tastelessness!
46. Who was I kidding?
47. I may have had an omelet for breakfastand a salad for lunch, but we all know I’ll be inhaling a cheeseburger come dinner time.
48. BRING ON THE FRENCH FRIES.
49. And Diet Coke...
50. I am a walking contradiction.
51. Everyone likes a girl who eats, I don’t know why people think otherwise.
52. You need a little some something to hold on to, you know?
53. Why do you think Kim Kardashian has so many Instagram followers?
54. No, it’s not because her hair is full of secrets.
55. I wonder if it is because her ass is...
56. Ugh, I wish I had an ass like that.
57. I guess I should do some squats.        
58. You know what they say: Don’t cry over boys, do some squats and make them wish they still had that ass.
59. Didn’t J. Lo once say the key to a great ass is eating white rice?
60. For argument’s sake, let’s just go with it.
61. OMG, does this mean I have to start cooking?
62. Guess I'll just have to disassemble the fire alarm if I am even going to attempt that.
63. Sorry neighbors — may the odds be ever in your favor.
64. As long as what I cook is green, it’s healthy right?
65. Sh*t, the only bowl full of green stuff in my apartment is the one I smoke before bed every night.
66. So I need to find myself a gym partner, that’ll make all of the difference.
67. This way if she bails on me, I can bail on the gym!
68. I guess this means I need a gym membership.
69. OK — enough with the excuses, I’ve got this.
70. Oh look! Free candy!

What do you have to say? Does this list encompass your fears or are you one of those optimistic gals who gets motivated by the prospect of an updated seasonal wardrobe?