Tomorrow, I'll be stepping on stage again to compete at SAF Toronto Spectacular
in the Elite Fitness Model division. I'm surprised (I "retired" from competing last year!), excited (I don't know why I retired, I love this s**t) and nervous (it's been my most inconsistent prep thus far). Let me tell you what's been happening in my life leading up to this competition.
After my win at the SAF
June summer show I hung up my clear heels for a variety of reasons. After 12 shows in two years I was burnt out and over it. My husband
, also, had grown a little tired of all the self-centeredness and single-minded fixation that necessarily has to go into competing. We also relocated overseas to Singapore for a spell. The more than year off was a great break for me to focus on other things -- this blog was born out of that time, and so was my book The Fitness Model Diet Guide
We returned to Canada in February amidst relationship chaos. By June, we parted ways. Twelve years of togetherness was over. I was beyond devastated. I packed a suitcase and upped and moved to Toronto, a city I barely knew, and in which knew even fewer people. Luckily, I fell in with some regular work with BodyRock and the fine people there became my friends and family. Lisa-Marie, Taylor and I hit the Rockies to shoot some stuff and the work trip turned into a soul reviving journey for me. I wrote about it here
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I found myself again on this mountain top[/caption]
I returned to my new home filled with a sense of renewal and determination to pull myself up. After months on the back-burner I finalized The Fitness Model Diet Guide
and felt so amazing about it. It was also around this time that I decided to compete again.
My last competition:
In the past, my preps for competitions have been very focused. This time however, I was all over the place. I usually do a period of bulking, to get my muscle mass up. I couldn't this time however afford the extra few pounds as I was consistently shooting for BodyRock. But more than that, I drank a lot, I mean A LOT, of alcohol almost all the way through. Hey! I'm a newly single gal in a new city trying to make the most of the summer. So yeah, I've been going out a fair bit -- a few late nights, a few killer hangovers, a few missed workouts and a few hotdogs at 3am.
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This was a hot-dog night.[/caption]
I know it's not cool for a fitness professional like me to admit that stuff. But it's true. Emotionally, that's where I've been. But now, after three months in the city, I feel like I've finally found my grounding. I moved out of my friend's basement and into my own lovely apartment, my income has stabilized somewhat, and I have all these fantastic connections and friends. And boy, have I had fun.
That said, this is the first prep where I haven't struggled so much, I feel a lot less burnt out and overall happier. AND, I think my physique has improved! Amongst competitors I've always been one who has done less than most -- less cardio, less dieting and less stressing. I've always known and respected the value of rest and rejuvenation and have long realized that doing more in this regard often gets you less. Metabolic damage, body dysmorphia disorder and post-competition blues and weight gain are rife amongst competitors for exactly these reasons. I think it's super telling that this is the prep I've done the least obsessing and the one that I'm coming into feeling -- and looking -- perhaps my best.
So I'm hitting the stage on September 12th, kinda a new woman with a rich past and richer future ahead. Excuse me for being so emotional and personal, but I'm bubbling over with joy and excitement. I can't wait to show you what I got. Getting on stage again, with my friends, is feeling like completing the circle.
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