April 22, 2015
The Advantages of Being Single
Relationships are wonderful. When they work. Some relationships are good all the time (not to say that they don't hit rough patches, that's just human) but others are broken and painful and we hold on just so we aren't alone.
I spent the majority of my 20s 'attached' to someone who was never going to actually take me seriously. I held on with both hands. I didn't want to be alone. I was scared I would never find another and what's worse, I didn't think I deserved better than a married man nearly twice my age.
Now, well into my 30s, I've been single for about 5 years. I've also never been happier. It would be a lie if I said I never had moments of sadness. The single cousin table at family weddings keeps getting smaller and smaller. Am I scared that I will be that last one? A little. But I know being single doesn't define me.
This "quiet" time in my romantic life has allowed me to do some much needed soul searching. Being single doesn't mean I'm broken or that no one wants me, it just means I'm still looking. Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. I have wonderful friends who love me more than I could ever have imagined possible. And maybe that's it. Maybe I didn't believe loving me was possible and this is the time I need to appreciate all the wonderful things I have to offer.
While many people my age are paired up and raising babies, I have freedom to do as I please. My life is mine. It is not that I believe being in a relationship means giving up your life but right now, I don't feel much like sharing.
I'm learning to love the things that make me me. Maybe I missed someone suited to me while I was neck deep in my disaster of an affair. Maybe I didn't. The point is, I wouldn't have known. If you are trying so hard to make something right that is all sorts of wrong, you aren't open. You aren't open to a real love.
As the song says, "you can't hurry love." Patience is hard to learn and harder to practice but if it is worth having, it is worth waiting for.
If you are reading this and are single, please don't get down on yourself. You may find yourself in your dream relationship tomorrow, you may never find it. But if you embrace singlehood, and your awesomeness, you won't need that partner. Another person cannot be the one to make your life complete.
I'm no saint, I've done a little window shopping, if you will, and I'm enjoying that part of the journey. If you stop looking at every person you meet as a potential spouse, you free up more space to just enjoy and be in the moment. Why put the pressure of expectation on all you do?
So, fellow singles, do what you love, do what you feel. Be who you are. The rest will fall into place as it should. You are amazing. Embrace it. Don't wait for someone else to embrace it for you.
h/t: Thought Catalog
This "quiet" time in my romantic life has allowed me to do some much needed soul searching. Being single doesn't mean I'm broken or that no one wants me, it just means I'm still looking. Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. I have wonderful friends who love me more than I could ever have imagined possible. And maybe that's it. Maybe I didn't believe loving me was possible and this is the time I need to appreciate all the wonderful things I have to offer.
While many people my age are paired up and raising babies, I have freedom to do as I please. My life is mine. It is not that I believe being in a relationship means giving up your life but right now, I don't feel much like sharing.
I'm learning to love the things that make me me. Maybe I missed someone suited to me while I was neck deep in my disaster of an affair. Maybe I didn't. The point is, I wouldn't have known. If you are trying so hard to make something right that is all sorts of wrong, you aren't open. You aren't open to a real love.
As the song says, "you can't hurry love." Patience is hard to learn and harder to practice but if it is worth having, it is worth waiting for.
If you are reading this and are single, please don't get down on yourself. You may find yourself in your dream relationship tomorrow, you may never find it. But if you embrace singlehood, and your awesomeness, you won't need that partner. Another person cannot be the one to make your life complete.
I'm no saint, I've done a little window shopping, if you will, and I'm enjoying that part of the journey. If you stop looking at every person you meet as a potential spouse, you free up more space to just enjoy and be in the moment. Why put the pressure of expectation on all you do?
So, fellow singles, do what you love, do what you feel. Be who you are. The rest will fall into place as it should. You are amazing. Embrace it. Don't wait for someone else to embrace it for you.
h/t: Thought Catalog