I bake and cook a lot, and my healthy recipes are probably one of my favourite things to post to the bodyrock blog, so when I saw this list from Mallory Ortberg of the most typical comments found on recipe blogs I was pretty excited, especially since they are hilarious. The comment section of the article is also pretty funny, appropriately so. You can check it out on The Toast, and here it is in its entirety:
“I didn’t have any eggs, so I replaced them with a banana-chia-flaxseed pulse. It turned out terrible; this recipe is terrible.” “I don’t have any of these ingredients at home. Could you rewrite this based on the food I do have in my house? I’m not going to tell you what food I have. You have to guess.” “I don’t eat white flour, so I tried making it with raw almonds that I’d activated by chewing them with my mouth open to receive direct sunlight, and it turned out terrible. This recipe is terrible.” “Could you please give the metric weight measurements, and sometime in the next twenty minutes; I’m making this for a dinner party and my guests are already here.” “i dont have an oven, can i still make this? please reply immediately” “Does anyone know if you can make this ahead of time and freeze it?” “Have you thought about making a sugar-free version of this?” “Can you give us a calorie breakdown for this?” “I followed this to the letter, except I substituted walnuts and tofu for the skirt steak, ditched the cheese entirely, and replaced the starch with a turnip salad. Turned out great. My seven-year-old boys have never seen a dessert and I’ve convinced them that walnut-and-turnip salad is “cake.” Thanks for the recipe!” “I’m having a lot of trouble signing up for your newsletter. Can you please assist?” “a warning that if you cook this at 275°F for three hours instead of at 400°F for twenty-five minutes its completely ruined. do you have any suggestions?” “I didn’t have buttermilk, so I just poured baking soda into a container of raspberry yogurt. It tasted terrible.” “I love this recipe! I added garlic powder, Italian seasoning, a few flakes of nutritional yeast, half a bottle of kombucha, za’atar, dried onion, and biscuit mix to mine. Great idea!” “Due to dietary restrictions, I am only able to eat Yatzhee dice. I made the necessary substitutions, and it turned out great.” “If you use olive oil for any recipe that’s cooked over 450°F, the oil will denature and you will get cancer. This post is irresponsible. You should only use grapeseed oil you’ve pressed yourself in a very cold room.” “[600-word description of what they ate today] so this will make a great addition!” “I just started Paleo yesterday, and I’m wondering if there’s a way to make this without the ingredients.” “I was all out of cake flour, so I transfigured my hands into puffer fish, which worked pretty well.” “Have you considered making a version of this margherita pizza for your readers who are trying to avoid gluten, dairy and nightshades? What if I shoved a roll of basil leaves in my mouth, do you think that would taste good?” “this was a very good post for your recipe you made, i made a similar recipe over at my blog last month, please consider linking back.” “I’m actually a supertaster, so I can’t eat anything that isn’t licking the salt off the top of saltines; will this recipe work for me?” “heal your body through food” “If you don’t soak the seeds for at least fourteen hours before using, the phytic acid will give you cancer. Just thought you should know.”I was trying to think of any to add to the list, but it’s pretty comprehensive. There are of course a lot of the “Looks great! I’ll try this tonight!” comments, but although they lack substance, at least they’re positive. I think the funniest comment was on a recipe for Peanut Sauce: “I’m allergic to peanuts, any suggestions?” - I suggest not making peanut sauce.