Questioning feels like the opposite of commitment. Even if you never utter a word about it out loud, only going over it in your own mind, it feels like an act of betrayal.
At a certain point in your relationship, you don't want to question your partner's values and whether or not they line up with your own. You don't want to wonder if you want the same things in life, if you can parent together, if you will grow old together. You don't want to because it feels disrespectful. But you have to.
If you don't, these questions will eat at you, and will chip away at your ability to love.
No matter how you feel about your partner, it is natural to feel confused from time to time. You might doubt that the one you love, loves you as much as they claim. Maybe you doubt his/her trustworthiness. Perhaps you doubt you can actually make it long term. But remember, none of us can know everything.
Sometimes your doubts are completely unfounded but nag at you anyway. They beg for your attention. Other times, you may be picking up on something, a subtle cue. Unfortunately, it is hard to know the difference but trying to find out is always worth it. You cannot fear the truth so much that you deny yourself the opportunity and the space to figure things out. Confronting uncertainty is the only way to get through it.
Maybe you have good reasons for your doubt, maybe you don't. Maybe you'll decide your partner is 'the one' or maybe not. Maybe you'll find a real fracture and work to repair it, or maybe you'll decide it isn't worth it.
Having doubts doens't mean something is wrong. You aren't doomed to break up the second you have a questioning thought.
Listen to yourself, but do so with caution. Listen to your speculative thoughts without letting them take over the narration of your story. Get advice from friends and family but don't assume they have any more accurate insights than you. Be rational. Cyberstalk your partner if you want, but don't snoop. Don't go anywhere that is password protected. Unless you only think pure, saintly thoughts, don't feel obligated to express every theory that pops into your mind. Complete transparency isn't really as healthy as it sounds and we really do need to protect each other from our own minds. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't express yourself openly and honestly to your partner but it does mean choosing your words carefully. This is the person you love, after all.
In the end you will be fine. If your doubts are founded, or not. If you stay together, or break up. You will both be fine. Love hurts. It confuses, it confounds, it exhausts and it frustrates. But it is also beautiful. It will lead you to places you treasure and places you fear. It will bring out the best and worst in you. It is an uneven terrain and that is okay. If it were simple, it wouldn't be so difficult to find, to hold on to, to let go of. But remember, no one ever died of a broken heart.
We evolve, often as individuals, and it can lead to growing apart. But relationships evolve too. If you stay together, your relationship will not have been weakened by your questions. As a couple, exploring this doubt, will only make you stronger.
h/t: Thought Catalog
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