Eating Breakfast Isn't All It's Cracked Up to Be

Logan claims his commitment to eating a breakfast packed with fresh fruit and nourishing whole grains has done nothing to improve his miserable existence.

He said: “People always stress the importance of a healthy breakfast as if eating a few bits of fruit is some magical elixir of happiness. “But I still work in commission-only telesales, spend every night sitting on my own in the pub reading spy books, and haven’t kissed a woman on the lips since 2007. “I’ve got the same tedious routine, except I’m living it with a few more vitamins in my bloodstream. Certainly I’m no-one’s definition of a ‘winner’. “Apparently all those hours I spent poaching eggs and forcing down bitter, slimy grapefruit were a complete f***ing waste of time. “ I may as well have had a Mars bar and a cigarette, washed down with a can of lager.” (or some other equally unhealthy breakfast...) Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Breakfast’s ability to positively influence everything is wildly overrated. It’s just several handfuls of food you’d never consider eating at a more civilized time of day. “The habit of eating porridge only came into existence because a tired woman mistook some oats for a cup of tea and poured milk onto them. “The results were disgusting but she just shrugged and poured them down her throat because who gives a s**t when you’re late for work.”