January 29, 2014
Our Failings As Mothers
I wrote last week that there are days I start out feeling like Mary Poppins and end the day ending up like Cruella de Ville. I love my daughter more than my own life...but when a day is combined with crayon on the wall, a torn book, work, trying to fit in a workout, and cleaning the house...you start to lose patience and become very "snappy." Like a crocodile snappy. It's awful.
One of the main little remonstrances I remember my mother saying was how much she felt like she was failing with us. I wasn't sure what that meant at the time, we were all well behaved kids and sure we broke things sometimes but it wasn't on purpose or out of spite. When my daughter was born I began to understand. For my husband, being a dad was very simple...very clear cut. Being a mom isn't.
A mother has so many different tasks, nurturing, punishing, teaching manners, teaching skills, nutritionist, head house maid...the list goes on. The list could go on forever. Mothers are vital. And mothers can get a little tiring.
It's because mothers aren't sure of everything they need to be teaching or doing and because of this we feel as though we are failures...the "if I would have just been able to get it through her little 2 year old head that we don't jump on the couch she couldn't have cut her lip" sort of thing. Yep it happened. No it wasn't bad. But I felt like I failed my daughter, that because I was making dinner it was my fault she fell...it was my fault she was hurt.
But I've learned something very important...its not my fault. When I feel as though I have failed as a mother I am feeling as if I don't love my daughter enough. That if I was able to love her more or better she would never have accidents or make mistakes. And that is just ridiculous. I could no more stop the sun from rising than stop my daughter making mistakes...and I wouldn't want to. Mistakes and accidents teach us much better than sunny days lying on the beach do.
To my fellow moms: you aren't alone feeling like this...but you don't have to accept that you are failing. Your children are going to make their own choices, its because they have free will and it doesn't mean you were inadequate. Its because they are people. People doomed to make mistakes and have falls and come running back to you for comfort.
A mother has so many different tasks, nurturing, punishing, teaching manners, teaching skills, nutritionist, head house maid...the list goes on. The list could go on forever. Mothers are vital. And mothers can get a little tiring.
It's because mothers aren't sure of everything they need to be teaching or doing and because of this we feel as though we are failures...the "if I would have just been able to get it through her little 2 year old head that we don't jump on the couch she couldn't have cut her lip" sort of thing. Yep it happened. No it wasn't bad. But I felt like I failed my daughter, that because I was making dinner it was my fault she fell...it was my fault she was hurt.
But I've learned something very important...its not my fault. When I feel as though I have failed as a mother I am feeling as if I don't love my daughter enough. That if I was able to love her more or better she would never have accidents or make mistakes. And that is just ridiculous. I could no more stop the sun from rising than stop my daughter making mistakes...and I wouldn't want to. Mistakes and accidents teach us much better than sunny days lying on the beach do.
To my fellow moms: you aren't alone feeling like this...but you don't have to accept that you are failing. Your children are going to make their own choices, its because they have free will and it doesn't mean you were inadequate. Its because they are people. People doomed to make mistakes and have falls and come running back to you for comfort.