Jezebel dredges the tabloids for all the good celebrity gossip, and likewise, I’m here to report on the the best of the fitness facts and fads that trashy mags have to offer: Featuring a slew of celebrities who have magically shed weight, Ok! Magazine shares celebs diets that work - without starving! (WHAT? I thought that was the only way). Kim K is on Atkins, Jessica Simpson is doing Weight Watchers, Khloe Kardashian kuts kalories, and Britney is all about the smoothies. So… eat healthy? Thanks Ok! I never would have thought to take that route unless guided by my betters, the Kardashians. The Star comments on Giuliana Rancic, co-anchor on E! News being stick thin. UNACCEPTABLE. Not like she's already naturally thin, and just survived breast cancer or anything. Oh wait, SHE DID. Even though I’ve already said that wedding diets are totally evil, Us magazine is all about the bride-to-be’s health regimens. According to the cover, Jessica and Lauren are in a race to slim down before summer. Is the race against each other? Or just a race against time in the inevitable death march to wedding dress fittings. You’re probably super interested in their exact regimens: Lauren Conrad eats kale and hikes, Kim K does squats (insert obvious butt joke here), and Jessica Simpson walks 6 miles a day (in those heels? I don’t think so). Melissa Joan Hart was featured in Star magazine because of her 40lb loss due to Nutrisystem - or was it witchcraft? (Get it? Sabrina the Teenage Witch? ... I'm getting old, aren't I?) Another Kim K story, Life & Style reports that apparently Kim spent $23,000 on fat blasting (a medical procedure but one that I imagine is like a mini mining excavation - sound effects and all). So I guess the squats and kuitting karbs, wasn’t kutting it for Kim Kardashian. I just hardcore got my sass on, I feel just like Malene Arpe!