Grace, It Is Not My Middle Name

I am not what you would call graceful. At a recent photo shoot, this proved true with a "spin" shot. I nearly turned into a tornado. I fall down a lot. I fall going up the stairs. I fall going down them as well. I trip walking on the sidewalk, through stores, and almost always while carrying something in hand (and of course I look back, as if I were sabotaged; I have to make some sort of surprised noise to assure any passerby that, clearly, it wasn't my fault). No one notices. I just end up looking crazy. I once fell down on a trail with a 45 pound pack on my back and hit my head on a pretty large rock, leaving an equally prominent goose egg on my forehead for 2 days. On an obstacle course, I fell 15 feet and landed straight on the ol' noggin. I think everyone around me thought I was dead. I wasn't. I was dying  laughing at how funny it must have looked. Then I went to the doctor. I almost fell into a ditch when I tried to jump over it because my shoe got stuck in the mud. All I was trying to do was spontaneously pick wildflowers on the side of the highway. And they smelled like sewer. Straight up. It was awful. [caption id="attachment_23854" align="aligncenter" width="175"] Muddy mess.[/caption] My ankles often give out while I am wearing heels. Standing still. I am goofy. I laugh with my entire body. Like a seizure. I snort when I laugh too hard; I become breathless and cry all over myself. I laugh to the point of silence, where even air no longer escapes. I have horrible equilibrium and take on balance beams like an ogre more than a ballerina. I am not dainty and small. I have broad shoulders. I have a big rear end. I am clumsy and drop things a lot. I am a loud cook. I speak in nonsensical sentence structures,  in weird voices. I make up songs and sing them to my dogs. Like they are people. In an audience. Who understand English. But you know what? I am pretty sure they enjoy my musical talent. Because talent, my friends, exceeds all language boundaries. Science. [caption id="attachment_23894" align="aligncenter" width="225"] Bing and Google.[/caption] I can't sing. But I will belt out the entire original version of Bohemian Rhapsody or Eye of the Tiger or Push It or Midnight Rider or Freebird at karaoke. Like. A. Boss. I do weird things with my hands. [caption id="attachment_23865" align="aligncenter" width="206"]hands Vogue.[/caption] Sometimes I speak out of turn or am completely random. Most times when I am feeling extra sexy and am dressed to kill, I want to strut my stuff and show off just how awesome I am. Inevitably, I am instead served a huge slice of humble pie. I will trip or misstep mid-stride or step on a rock or stick or get my heel caught in the sidewalk. In front of a group of guys. Male models. Shirtless Ryan Gosling look-a-like male models. Yeah......I digress. [caption id="attachment_23872" align="aligncenter" width="200"]Glam! Glam![/caption] I scare incredibly easy. My Husband enthusiastically exploits this vulnerability and will often employ the "Boo!" tactic which works on me. Every. Time. Seriously, I don't get it. Some people are deathly afraid of snakes. Or dogs. Or spiders. Or bears. I am deathly afraid of roaches. I....can't even explain it. Get. It. Away. This all dates back to childhood. I was a weird kid with an offbeat, silly sense of humor. But I had a killer sense of style. You can clearly see that I was going to grow up to be a fashion stylist. [caption id="attachment_23869" align="aligncenter" width="300"]Kara Wilde as a child. Kara Wilde as a child.[/caption]  Clearly.  But, even with all these little quirks and eccentricities, I have to say, I like who I am. I have a really awesome life, graceful or not. I have friends and family who love and support me, graceful or not. And, I have dogs who, if they could, would buy tickets to my sold-out concerts. Truth. These little "things" make me unique, make me who I am, and make me special. I embrace my weirdness; I embrace the clutz inside! I am not afraid to laugh at myself. And, I have a sneaking suspicion that, people don't like me for how graceful I am anyway. So, if you think you are strange, random, clumsy, or just plain "out there"....embrace who you are! Love who you are! And have FUN with life! xo, Kara

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