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A Guide To Taking (and NOT taking) Selfies

July 28, 2014 3 min read

This guide was originally posted on Jezebel and was intended for teens. Though infused with a bit of wit, is right on point. Though the younger generations are not the only ones guilty of the selfie, generally speaking they have made some questionable judgement calls that could effect their future employment opportunities. Here is Jezebel's quick guide to whether or not you should take a selfie.

Are you hanging out with your friends, having an old-fashioned good time? Yes. Take a selfie.

Are you making goofy faces, for LOLs? Yes. Take a selfie.

Are you at the site of a terrible historical tragedy, such as a concentration camp?No. Do not take a selfie. If you feel you must commemorate your visit to this specific site, RESPECTFULLY photograph something other than your smiling mug. I don't care what arguments you want to make in your defense—unless you hit "post" with an essay-length justification, it's just not a great look. Don't include a fucking emoji, either.

Have you just survived a plane crash, natural disaster or attempt on your life? Yes. Take a selfie. But consider making your account private unless you want reporters pestering you for interviews.

Are you literally in the middle of an ongoing disaster or crisis? No. Do not take a selfie. Don't risk your life or create additional problems for emergency personnel. Get to safety, then take your selfie. It'll keep.

Are you consuming alcohol or holding weed? Of course you shouldn't take a selfie. You know college admissions officers have the Internet too, right? Besides, that epic keg stand is not actually worthy of memorializing.

Did you just meet a celebrity? Sure. Take a selfie. Just don't be a pill about it.

Are you standing next to/on train tracks, a highway, or analogous through-way?No. Do not take a selfie, and get the hell out of the way. You shouldn't need me to tell you this.

Are you standing in front of a homeless personNo. Do not take a selfie. Show some compassion. Unless of course you are actually friends with the homeless person, in which case it's just taking a selfie with one of your buddies, which is fine.

Is someone in your immediate vicinity dealing with something major? No. Do not take a selfie. Your teacher's labor pains are not a photo opp. Ditto some stranger's suicide attempt.

Are you at a funeral? Maybe you can take a selfie. Look, I'm not gonna tell you how to grieve for your grandma. But remember to be respectful of other mourners, and refrain from cheesing it up with the deceased, probably.

Are you standing over a dead body (non-funerary circumstances)? No. Absolutely do not take a selfie. (Why are you standing over a dead body? Is there something you want to tell me?)

Are you posing with a tiger? Do not take a selfie if you're in New York State, where it's nowillegal. Also it makes you look like a dork on Tinder, sorry.

Have you just achieved something major? Yes, of course you should take a selfie! At its best, social media is a way for distant friends and family to see the big moments in your life. So go ahead and pose with your SAT results, swimming meet trophy, completed Eagle Scout project, diploma, whatever. Unless....

Are you literally onstage accepting your diploma? No. Do not take a selfie. You're going to create a traffic jam and generally gum up the works, and some of us have dinner reservations.

Have you just committed a crime, such as shoplifting? No. Do not take a selfie. Act like you got some sense. This is the dumbest of dumb ways to get busted.

Have you just had sex? No. No, no, no, for the love of God, no, do not take a selfie. I know it's new and exciting but please restrain yourself. No one wants to see your damp, post-coital self.

If you've passed the check list and still want to take that selfie, these models have some tips for you (kind of)


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