We all know folks who have been involved in ridiculous, tabloid worthy, dramatic relationships. The relationships take a toll on the couple and anyone around them. If you ask him why all of this happened, he'll say "she's crazy" or some other, less flattering version of that same thought. Thanks to Julian Stern
, we now have a dude's perspective as to why this might be.
After a little distance and perspective, Stern has come to see that maturity is part of the problem. He had an on again off again relationship with a 'crazy' girl in college. He dated girls after her that were totally 'normal,' reinforcing his belief that the other was crazy. But eventually, he began to realize that he was treating women differently than he had when he was a 19 year old kid. He wasn't dismissing bad behaviour, his or his girlfriend's, and was communicating his feelings and getting to the root of what was really bothering him.
When talking to his friends about similar experiences, they all seemed to believe it had to do with a lack of self love. One said, "When we call someone crazy for a certain something, it’s because we don’t like that quality in ourselves, I dislike laziness in myself, so if another person is lazy, I will passive-aggressively be like, ‘Let’s go do something!’ But really it’s none of my business. If it’s not working, I should just let it not work and move on.” He also says that it might just be the nature of break ups that force us to perceive the other as crazy. “I didn’t really want this to go to the next level and she did, so I get it. It creates this constant jockeying of who likes whom more, and when those expectations get real outta line, craziness ensues.”
Stern says that crazy is a "placeholder" and it is used out of avoidance and not out of malice. Most of us don't want to think about our exes in specifics but that really isn't ideal. It is only after getting past the name calling that one can see the real issues and take steps to remedy them in oneself.
So dudes, before you call your ex "crazy," take a look inward and see if anything you were doing contributed the insane, hot mess of your relationship. Only then can you avoid it in the future.
I'm not a dude and I've never called an ex crazy (although I may have been referenced as such behind my back), but this sounds like it could be a reasonable explanation. What do you think? Possible answer to the 'she's crazy' riddle or just complete hogwash?