Health & Fitness isn’t a War!!! Good morning I keep saying to Lisa, ''really this isn't a good idea posting these blogs'' - but for some odd reason @ 3am I seem to want to share - so here I go again lol Ohhh & just for those two guys who noticed spelling and grammar, I'm dyslexic. :/ If theres anyone on here who is as well, you will know it's a struggle to write especially like this (Thank-You Lisa lol). I do try and spell-check my work but sometimes the grammar isn't always right & although I do worry about it - Just like jumping in the pool for the first time a few weeks ago I am determined to do more things that scare me & I have realized that it's just another thing I can try to get better at & practice - just like a new exercise, I hope that, in time it will improve as I get more confident. Right, now where were we in my little journey.. So yes, we finished on the last post (here) with me getting into my ''target'' skirt after Spain. I’ve had my PT weigh-in the other day and altho I was up to an 11pound loss + after my Spain Trip & yes I had essentially reached my Target Skirt size - yey !! - This time I weighed the same, which you would think I would be disappointed about, but I was relieved about it as this week wasn't easy for me. The above title is exactly what my first week back at work trying to hold a daily routine had become … a War !! - between me, food & exercise !! It’s only been a few weeks since Spain !! How can things feel so differently so quickly? Maybe because we have lives and it’s not easy like in the movies or on TV or in the magazines unfortunately we have inner demons and external sources which we have to learn to cope with. The title I chose was from a quote Lisa found and posted this wk. “Health and fitness isn’t a war, if you struggle every day you are doing something wrong! Eat good train hard but don’t forget to enjoy your life” Honestly I have somehow let myself get consumed with my fitness and diet and after the same conversation and a lot of tears this week maybe I'm hoping I've finally pulled self back through and i'm heading back on the right track - it all just seems like everyday is a such a huge struggle when you have days that don't quite go to plan. So what happened to get to this horrible place ? and yes it is horrible when u are in it? Who wants to cry and feel exhausted & feel overwhelmed ? that’s not healthy and certainly not what I’ve signed up to … so looking back I tried to see why I felt the way I did this week & what steps I could do to change my mindset & most importantly I spoke & talked about how I felt instead of locking it away & it consuming my thoughts everyday - something I am also trying to get better at. I have gone from a controlled environment away from temptation & lovely fresh air & warm sunshine (which makes a huge difference). I had a routine and my best friend who knows me & helped push and support me. To the total opposite - being back home, at work, while trying to push myself and controlling my portion size & eating habits. Not only that - Instead of telling myself everyday - ''ok well done Kaz, you have hit 11 pounds loss, you are totally on target, this is a process you know that - you are training hard you you are fit & healthy, it might not happen overnight but it will happen, just enjoy it'' - Everything and I mean everything I said to myself or anything I seemed to try to do wasn’t good enough or wasn't as good as I wanted it to be - so I just seem to get frustrated with myself & everything. I focused on the negative parts of my week - no matter how small - for example if I hadn’t trained as hard as I could one day (as i'm trying to squeeze in a workout while being tired from work; other than giving myself praise for just doing something, I got mad that I couldn't train as hard or as I wanted to, so in my head I was stepping backwards ...) or maybe I’d not eaten as clean as I could, or if I was struggling to train on my own - If it didn't go to plan - I just made myself feel bad about not reaching the ''target'' I had in my head. I just wanted to train hard & not slip on my food at all. I knew I could eat better - in reality, all in all, I was doing everything right - I just saw that it wasn't as good as I was in Spain - but holiday isn't real life - I wasn't taking everything else i.e life & work & living into consideration .... negative thoughts were the only things I focused on - all the things I hadn't achieved. By doing this - I’ve been really tired and instead of resting I’ve pushed myself and then walking out of the gym upset because I was too tried to do a circuit where instead I should have had a rest day.. I just wasn’t thinking clearly & it had all got on top of me. So after many tears, I say & thought about what it is I want. It’s the same outcome I have wanted for the last 3 years. I don’t want to quit - I want a happy healthy life I can manage. I'm a single 34 year old so I guess compared to those of you who are parents I have it easier as I have just me to consider but I suppose everyone has their own battles and that’s ok - this is my story. So I’ve I mentioned above I'm dyslexic and I have realized that I am someone who needs to be organized and writing things down helps me picture clearer, for whatever reason I’ve really lapsed in this in all aspects of my life, so I need to try and get this back.. So thats what I did, I sat down & looked at how can I change things ? How can I try to have a more positive week and work towards that goal of be healthy & happy ? To do this I decided to write down goals for myself ... My goals this week are … (get a routine & schedule) I'm going to pick out a weeks’ worth of circuits form Lisa’s posts, (of course I'm biased as I’ve trained with Lisa for years now and so I'm used to her style and although miss not training I'm sure you all agree she is infectious on the videos and you feel she is personally motivating you ) I'm going to write down which ones I'm going to do and where i.e. at home or gym & time, so ever night I know exactly what the plan is the next day & I will be adding the Squat challenge too - which is (here) . I'm going to write my food plan- with regards to food, I’ve noticed I struggle at different times of the day so I'm switching what I eat & when I eat this week to see how that goes. Most importantly I'm adding in some fun activates seeing friends for coffee, maybe walks or bike rides or shopping. Now I'm not saying it's set in stone but I need to try and use this as a guide as sometimes I can let my shyness, training & scales targets get in the way of enjoying this as much as I could. So, when you write is down - it all looks simple, right??? Hopefully each day I manage to achieve what I set out - but whats most important is that if my day doesn’t go to plan - I will take a step back. I will praise myself for the positive steps that day & for the parts that don't go quite to plan I will say ''its ok'' and just see how I could change it for another time. Most importantly I have to not panic or give up, I just need to try something different or move things around to fit me. It’s not set in stone, it’s a rough schedule I would like to fit in my life. Finally I even have agreed with my PT trainer Dan tonight to not weigh for 4 wks - This is a HUGE thing for me as I struggle with not being in control of the scales everyday, but I need to do this as its a positive step in trusting myself more & realizing that I CAN do this. We have agreed to concentrate on training and try and take the pressure of my weight & just get my love of training. When I am happy & doing things I like - I realize that the weight comes off as a natural side effect without busting my ass to the point of exhaustion. These are all small changes and things relevant to me. This may seem really basic and obvious - but by writing these things down & organizing myself, I realized that this wasn't something that I couldn't do or couldn't achieve, most of it I was already doing anyway - there was no need to feel so overwhelmed - I just needed to break it down, bit by bit to suit my day & my lifestyle. Doing these small things has helped me not feel so overwhelmed and help me move closer to a happy & healthier life that I can enjoy again. Please share what small changes could you make to help your day go better? It might give someone else an idea on how they could make things easier. Have a wonderful day – Thanks for reading and sharing Kaz xxxx Follow Kaz & her real life personal journey - You can follow her stories - Weight Loss Struggle Here & Pt 1 - Here & Pt 2 - Here Lisa's Blog has everything you need, diet plans, fat loss help, Q&A, HIIT routine's, Stretching, Cool Down, Warm Up's - It's all right Here & totally free. - If you want to follow me just HIIT one of my Social Media options below.