November 17, 2015
How to Spice Up Your Marriage With These 6 S*xting Tips
The researchers believe many married couples see sexting as something done by those who aren't feeling totally secure in their relationships, but clinical sexologist Gloria Brame, Ph.D. says that this just isn't so."Sexting with strangers is primarily a masturbatory aid—the other person isn't known, so you fill in the picture with your own fantasies," explains Brame. "In marriage, it's a continuation of an intimate relationship that stimulates bonding chemicals in your brain, and makes sex hotter sex when you have it."
Not sure where to start? Let these six steps be your guide.
- Don't take things so seriously.
When you try out a new form of foreplay, you might find yourself slightly uncomfortable, even silly. But don't worry so much about the newness of it. Just think about where it can eventually lead you, and how your man will respond. "Men tend to enjoy more explicit sexual references and don't find it embarrassing, so the more you just decide to own your choice to be flirty and trust your husband's response, the more fun you both can have with it," explains Jenn Gunsaullus, Ph.D., who is a sociologist and intimacy counselor in San Diego, CA.
2. Be honest with yourselves.
Chances are, you'll have some dry spells in your sex life. And that's okay. But flirty messages can be just the right dose of spice to put things back in place. Be honest with yourself and your partner and admit that it's been a hot minute since the two of you got tangled up in the sheets. Then, let him know you want to make up for it later that evening. However, be careful not to suggest this if you're not going to follow through. Teasing only makes way for disappointment and frustration.
3. Timing is everything.
Lots of things can pop up in life, and all the responsibilities, from jobs to kids can really take their toll on your energy. But, because of tricky schedules, your plan to have a little sensual fun can get lost in the mix. Plan ahead instead. Ask your partner to inform you of when they're going to have a little downtime at their desk, that way you know you'll have his undivided attention, Brame recommends.
[bctt tweet="How to Spice Up Your Marriage With These 6 S*xting Tips"]
4. Be vocal.
Naked photos are what one might expect from sexting, but according to the study in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, married couples are also turning each other on with their words. "The mind is our main sex organ, and choosing the right flirty words to seduce your partner can make them feel very desired," Gunsaullus notes.
Try by starting small at first, like letting him know just how good he looked when he left the house that morning. Then, go a little bigger and try bringing up a hot night the two of you had years ago on one of your favorite vacations. Next, tell him what sexual act you want to do with him when he's home.
5. Don't let the pressure overtake the fun of the situation.
You don't want sexting to make him feel overwhelmed. It's supposed to be a form of replay, not an obligation. Make it simple and easy by asking him questions that are easy for him to respond to, for instance. Brame recommends, "Would you hold me like that again?" or "You know, I loved when we did X. Could we try that again?"
6. How to utilize racy photos.
You might spend a lot of time creating the perfect pose for a sexy pic, but mustering up the energy to send it off can be tough. And while pictures are pleasant, they might not actually be necessary for this form of foreplay. In fact, just 12 percent of married couples in the Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking study utilized this tool and found that it enhanced the situation. Try this strategy instead: "Take a photo of a piece of lingerie or other sexy garment that turns him on, and tell him you'll wear it that night," Brame says.
Are you a regular sexter with your significant other?
Lots of things can pop up in life, and all the responsibilities, from jobs to kids can really take their toll on your energy. But, because of tricky schedules, your plan to have a little sensual fun can get lost in the mix. Plan ahead instead. Ask your partner to inform you of when they're going to have a little downtime at their desk, that way you know you'll have his undivided attention, Brame recommends.
[bctt tweet="How to Spice Up Your Marriage With These 6 S*xting Tips"]
4. Be vocal.
Naked photos are what one might expect from sexting, but according to the study in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, married couples are also turning each other on with their words. "The mind is our main sex organ, and choosing the right flirty words to seduce your partner can make them feel very desired," Gunsaullus notes.
Try by starting small at first, like letting him know just how good he looked when he left the house that morning. Then, go a little bigger and try bringing up a hot night the two of you had years ago on one of your favorite vacations. Next, tell him what sexual act you want to do with him when he's home.
5. Don't let the pressure overtake the fun of the situation.
You don't want sexting to make him feel overwhelmed. It's supposed to be a form of replay, not an obligation. Make it simple and easy by asking him questions that are easy for him to respond to, for instance. Brame recommends, "Would you hold me like that again?" or "You know, I loved when we did X. Could we try that again?"
6. How to utilize racy photos.
You might spend a lot of time creating the perfect pose for a sexy pic, but mustering up the energy to send it off can be tough. And while pictures are pleasant, they might not actually be necessary for this form of foreplay. In fact, just 12 percent of married couples in the Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking study utilized this tool and found that it enhanced the situation. Try this strategy instead: "Take a photo of a piece of lingerie or other sexy garment that turns him on, and tell him you'll wear it that night," Brame says.
Are you a regular sexter with your significant other?
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