Liars And Cheaters Worry The Most About Being Lied To And Cheated On

Have you ever noticed that the people who do you the most dirt are the same ones who are most paranoid about you doing the same? They accuse, they point fingers. They go out of their way to make you feel worse than you already do. You would think since they had just hurt someone they supposedly love, they would be doing their best to make amends but sometimes, they don't. In his blog, Guy Stuff, marriage and family therapist Kurt Smith discusses the reasons men cheat, why they blame other people and the steps they go through when dealing with what they've done. Although the information is geared to men, it is important to note that all of it can be applied to women as well.

Liars and cheaters pretend it never happened.

Smith says:

"How men [and women] cheat is by dealing with the reality that they’ve hurt another by denying it. You don’t have to deal with something that is not a reality to you."

They wipe it from their memory, twist it and make you feel guilty for assuming such a thing. This is the first step: if it isn't real to them, they do not need to acknowledge or confront it.

Liars and cheaters rewrite history.

If you are going to deny the truth, it is short work to then warp it. Again Smith says:

"Denial is one of the coping mechanisms that cheating [people] use to mentally make it okay to cheat, [so] rewriting history and blaming their partners shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. When cheaters rewrite history and blame everything on their partners, there’s even less that they have to deny."

They rewrite the past to make themselves feel better. They change things to make themselves look innocent. Which, of course, makes you the bad guy. They will do anything to shift the blame, even if it means putting it on you.

Liars and cheaters will blame you even if you leave the relationship.

If you muster everything you've got left and manage to leave the relationship, be prepared to still be cast as the one who did all the wrong. According to Smith:

"When [cheaters are] denying reality, seeking to blame others and avoid responsibility, then making [their] ex-partner the bad guy is really pretty easy and makes sense. Making [their] partner out to be the bad one, and the one who has done wrong, can make [their] wrong behavior seem right."

When they create something to be angry about, they are able to justify their own behaviour.

Liars and cheaters eventually forget what they lied about.

Smith says that they get so caught up in their deception that they eventually forget what is true and what is not. They convince themselves that you really did screw them over. They convince themselves that they were the one who suffered.

Liars and cheaters are really good at hiding any remorse they might feel.

The upside, maybe, is that Smith says they are aware of the mess they cause by living a double life. They do feel guilty for hurting you. They are really good at pretending they don't care. They hide their feelings and emotions behind their fabricated world where you are the bad guy.

Liars and cheaters should never be forgiven.

None of this should make you feel sympathy for the person that hurt you. But, it might help you spot one the next time around. If you start to spot unwarranted hostile behaviour, you will realize something might be up. Never feel guilty for asking what's going on if you suspect you are being deceived. And if their version of events doesn't quite sit right with you, don't buy into it. Walk away as the bigger person. No matter what liars and cheaters say, all the people that matter will know the truth about you.