When Longterm Relationships End, How Do We Cope?
When we're with them, we feel as if they're our one and only. And when we find ourselves without them, we wonder where our lives are supposed to go from here.
A number of years ago, a close and longterm relationship ended for me that left me completely gutted. I thought this person was my everything, and when I lost them, I also lost a part of myself. There goes the future I built up in my mind. But as I analyze the relationship as a whole, I recognize the red flags.
It can be difficult to trust new ventures with people after putting so much time and effort into something that simply fell apart. We fall into traps of creeping our ex's on Facebook, comparing ourselves to the new girl he's wrapping his arm around in his profile picture. We can still smell that person, hear their voice telling us sweet things. We ponder, "If I hadn't gotten angry that one time...or if I had lent him money for that car...maybe we could still be together today."
We may even convince ourselves that the break up is only temporary, and he will grow bored of that new girl and realize his love for you is undying. And when our brains finally except that it's really the end, the pain comes. The pain we've been avoiding.
But the pain is fleeting. Soon we learn ways to cope. It may be that we reach out to friends, or journal our anger and fears. We may find meditation, exercise, a yoga class, something we can lose ourselves in. We start to find who we are again.
Nights become filled with "ifs" and "whys". We see the future is at our feet and embrace it. We begin to like ourselves and we channel out the hate, the hurt and the blame. Slowly and carefully we rebuild.
People come in and out of our lives. It is a reality that is sometimes harsh, but often times positive. Those who leave, leave for a reason. You ultimately become happier and ready to accept true, honest, willing, solid love. It may seem like the world is ending now, but trust me, it's only just beginning.
What are some great coping methods you have used during a break up? Share your stories with us!