I remember that first night that I lay curled up on my bathroom floor at 3 am with the worst stomach pain I had ever felt in my life. It was the sort of pain that crying about it only made it worse. On top of that I had sworn to my husband I was pregnant and his famous words were, "It's just gas." So at five in the morning when I decided I could take the pregnancy test and it came back positive...my life changed. Pregnancy was hard. My husband had his grandpa and aunt die within a few months of each other, I was finishing college, and on top of that missed multiple holidays because my "morning" sickness was so bad. I read up on everything pregnancy related. I wanted to know how big the baby was, what changes to expect, why on earth my chest hurt so badly I wanted to cry. I spent the entire nine months reading about pregnancy without touching a newborn book. I'd been around babies a lot...I thought I was pretty set on the baby department. Then...on her due date my little daughter came into the world and I realized that I was in over my head. How on earth was I deemed capable to take care of a human being when I had to go through four years of college just to get a BA? But when I held her...my heart opened up and engulfed her entirely. 'They' tell you that it's all worth it when that little baby is placed on your chest, that you forget the pain of childbirth and pregnancy. It wasn't that way for me. I didn't forget any of it...the pain and every little discomfort threw into sharp relief how precious this little girl was and just what I went through to have her in my arms.
My Daughter and I (Photo Credit: Courtney Jacobs Photography)Motherhood isn't all its cracked up to be. Motherhood is infinitely better. Motherhood is one of the only jobs that offers so much more in return than money. Motherhood is also infinitely harder than 'they' ever told you. You aren't told how much you feel like you are failing on a continual and daily basis...but they also don't tell you what it feels like to have your child tell you, "Thanks Mama, you're so sweet," after handing her her favorite owl. So even though my "other jobs" may come and go, I'll always have a little girl who thinks I'm the most beautiful and important woman in her life. And that is worth everything.