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Why I made the choice to take out my implants ... Going full circle

June 30, 2013 8 min read

Hi Everyone, I am sharing this story today as I have had so many questions about it & it seems that I am not the only one who has had 'problems' with Breast Enlargements. As you all know I had my breasts enlarged about 18 months go. Loved them, always wanted to have them as a smaller girl I always wanted to be bigger. Now..  let me tell you about life with a bigger boobs, the real story about what CAN happen .... (I'm sure there are bodyrockers who will benefit from this story. I'm anticipating some of you will have an opinion on this, and I know from positive messages that loads of you have had successful results & I will hopefully be joining you soon enough. I took a lot of stick when I decided to have implants originally. On this note: I will always be grateful for the love, support & encouragement you showed me at a time I needed it most, it wasn't easy with the world watching. In the same token, I feel its my obligation to share both sides of the coin on my blog/Facebook. I am always 100% myself with you all & consider you friends & to be a good friend we have to be honest, loyal, humble & compassionate. You all constantly show this everyday with the amazing love & support through the community pages & I continue to strive to be the best friend I can to you all because of it. However, As a role model, I have to be also willing to be open & honest with you always, good & bad, which I hope you always feel is true - Basically, I really hope this help's you decide what to do if you are thinking of breast implants & also let you into my world a little bit more. For those who don't know - With my 450cc's I was in so much pain from scaring & unable to do so many things that I needed & more importantly wanted to do. Simple things such as pull up's, elevated tricep dip's, sprint, sleep on my side, chest fly's, really heavy chest press ... the list goes on. I managed to keep my diet tight & rest when needed too and still keep my fitness level up to a level I needed, but 450cc's were not only effecting my work, they were effecting my whole life & mental stability - so I had no choice, something had to change. I have always trained like an athlete, I wasn't happy just looking the part. I have to & want to do what I feel I was designed to do - train & train bloody hard with no restrictions!!. Training with pain & restrictions was just something I wasn't willing to accept in my life or come to terms with @ 31 years of age - this wasn't something I could live with for another 30 years - not after 20 years of working so hard to get to this point where I was in the best shape of my life - all completed pain free & loving every minute of it. Now before I go on, there are some things you need to know about me, I LOVE being naked lol. I have always been very comfortable with my body & I really did think that I would never have a moment in my life where I would be anything but body confident. So ... On top of the above problems, my 450cc's also came with a problem all of there own. Not only all of the above. Which for anyone in the public eye was enough to get their head around everyday as no one online was aware of what I was trying so desperately to fix. I had also been left with very prominent scars just below my nipple areas, this for me was the worst part (women will get this) the loss of functions was something I was willing to except & work on, but to see my gorgeous little boobs not looking as gorgeous as they should was so difficult for me everyday & with my fitness level dropping also day by day - My confidence was for the first time in my life totally hit rock bottom & I found this really very hard to deal with - the comments online were just the icing on the cake. I am so thankful for friends & those who got me through each day with you're amazing love & support. This wasn't at all an easy or light decision for me all the way through. I was in constant contact with my surgeon, to the point of almost becoming pen pals, seriously tho, they must have had pictures of my boobs every bloody week, wether they wanted them or not lol - Remember every time I went in for 'corrective surgery' (which I tried once with 450's to try to correct the scars & capsule problem). I had to wait 3 months for the 450cc implant results to heal firstly before I would even be touched and then wait for the 'corrective surgery' to heal. So I am unable to train & do what I love during this whole duration. My body is not only undergoing a huge mental strain, I had a massive physical change too that honestly effects everything when you don't look as 'perfect' as you know you can be. It's really really stressful. I remember breaking down in the surgery reception area. It was just after having a surgery (ps, corrective surgery while awake - is so distressing, never ever opt for this, I am hardcore but that day lives in my memory with such stress & distress). I remember  just feeling so mentally exhausted, feeling so useless & so helpless & 'ugly'. Praying that this was the last time I had to go through all this again. Months & months of pictures, emails, travelling back and forth, painkillers and very very painful massaging & at some points even injections to try to breakdown the scar tissue was taking its tole on me mentally & physically. I had to try something else as I couldn't accept that this was just 'how I healed'. I noticed that for the first time in my life I hated the look of myself naked, the thought of this alone was so de-stressing - the only option I felt I had was to remove them, which honestly I didn't want to do, I loved them & I had wanted them for so long - or drop down to a different size, which would cost more money :/ that honestly I didn't really want to pay as I didn't really understand why someone who's so healthy was having so many problems when I was with one of the best surgeons I could find - & let me tell you, none of the breasts in the books in the receptions area looked like mine :/ - but I had no option to try again if I wanted to continue with implants in my life. After discussing these two options, I was stuck between a rock & a hard place so - so taking everything into account (begrudgingly as I knew what stress came with it.) I once again went under the knife & dropped to 350cc's. Being on so many pain killers for way to long & nothing changing no matter what I did. I really hoped by paying for this 2nd operation all my problems would be sorted & my beautiful boobs would return & I wouldn't have any pain, scars or restriction anymore. So, I went from a 450cc to a 350cc in December on my downtime @ christmas. (video Here ). I was just happy that I was able to sort it and rest over christmas & not let anyone down. I hate feeling like I'm letting people down, esp. because of a decision I decided to make with my body - rightly or wrongly looking back. So was this it, did it work .... The short answer is NO. They looked better (in clothes) out of clothes ... same issue & same capsule issues & scaring. So I waited, I prayed, I cried .... & again had to drag myself through yet another round of 'corrective' surgeries, each time wondering whats the point of trying to train as its only a matter of time before I have to be back there. I was really lost & in a very sad place over the winter period a I just felt like it was hopeless. So in march I had my final surgery - July was my next move to try again... While this is all going on I have a family bereavement of my big sister @ 42 years old. Devastated ! The whole time flying round the world taking pain killers each day, I have all options playing on my mind. Although I am fit & healthy - it started from breast cancer, so I am even more aware that any pain is not right. Esp. pain that I now just consider as an 'everyday' pain, would I even know if there was something wrong?. I really needed to figure out a way to fix this, enough is enough. While on vacation this time I decided to get a second opinion. With one look at my breasts I was told that my body was very unhappy with my implants and no amount of 'corrective surgery' will fix the problem as I needed to remove them and let my body heal & have the correct implants to suit my needs put back at a later date. "There's no way to keep them in'' I asked. "They need to be removed asap'' he replied. I cried so much that night, I was SO relieved that someone finally heard me ... I wasn't going mad, my body wasn't deformed and for the first time in 18 months someone saw that this wasn't right. This consultation was worth its weight in gold to me. Yes I was totally gutted with the news & yes I wish it was different but I respected his honesty & was so happy that he had an option for me that would finally give me the result I wanted. Devastated that I had been un necessarily struggling for so long & lost so much of my life resting from procedures & wasted so much money following doctors orders & trying to be the perfect patient. I just couldn't understand how I put my hands in a professional that I trusted &  'take them out' never came out of his mouth once, I always felt like it was just how I healed, almost like it was my fault for making my once gorgeous little boobs so sore. So off I went, on my own to have my 350cc's removed three days ago. I have come full circle, back are my little boobs & OMG I feel so different, clothes are different again & my body is so lean lol, I feel like my athletic body is back. Yes change is hard to get my head around again, but everyday they get a little bit better & I talk to them & tell them everything's going to be ok lol, best of all, I have no pain at all which is so good. I have the option of the correct implant for my body at a later date if I decide but as I train hard the muscle is already going back in such a small amount of time & my little boobs are once as they were - with just a little scar that will improve over time. If you have anything that you know in yourself just doesn't feel right, don't settle for one opinion .... go again to someone else. It can change your whole life for the better. The one thing I am thankful for is that I have met some lovely people & made an amazing, gorgeous, true & glamorous friend out of this whole experience who's friendship I treasure. I so ready to kick some ass .... Love Always L xx   Click Here For the latest Motivational Pictures Fresh from across the web  

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