Okay, confession time. I have more than one online dating profile. I've had them for years. Clearly, I'm not having a great deal of success. Over the nearly 3 years I've been doing it, I've managed to get far enough for one date and it was a disaster. Sometimes it feels like such a waste of time (and sometimes money) but I do it anyway.
Nothing really seems to change much in this landscape. However, recently some shifts have begun to emerge. Guys seem to be opening the written section of their profiles with defensive and sometimes snarky, rude comments. Things like, "I'm 6'1", since height apparently matters to all of you" or "No drama please. Swipe left if you can't comply."
I'm sure there are women who ask about height first and we all know women who live for drama but why so much negativity? Women are keeping it more positive, right? Not likely.
It is important to remember that all you have in an online profile is some pictures and a few sentences. That isn't much room to make a good first impression. You wouldn't walk up to a guy in the bar and say "Hey! I've been really screwed over in the past. Do you want to grab a drink and talk about how you are, in all likelihood, going to do the exact same thing to me?" Hiding behind our computer screens makes it far easier to say things we wouldn't in a face to face conversation. But this 'distance' should also make it easier to lead with optimism. It is easy to fake with a few typed words than it is to fake in person.
Dylan Thrasher, a life coach and author of How to Find and Create Lasting Love
, blames the boom in digital dating: “With the proliferation of online and now mobile dating, an interesting byproduct from the vast accessibility to so many people has been the growing sentiments of defensive, bitter behavior up front.” By screening hundreds of profiles in one sitting, we begin to “generalize the opposite sex based on the minute actions of a few,” and once we do that, we are more likely to jump to conclusions like 'all men lie' or 'all women like tall men.'
Thrasher says it's important for your potential matches to “see the best side of you from a first profile review. If anything, once you've had a few dates and have built a connection, you can then trade some funny stories of dating misadventures of the past, but in the beginning, always keep it positive
I'm going to be going over my online profile with a fine toothed comb as soon as I can. How about you? Do you struggle to stay on the bright side in what seems like an endless stream of unlikely possibilities?