The mystery of attraction is one of the most frustrating and exhilarating parts of being human. The cruelty of mismatched, star-crossed, one-sided attraction is one of the hardest parts.
For most, when the one you want wants someone else, the first instinct is to go after the other person as if that is the only roadblock to your perfect happiness.
"She isn't his type."
"He's only attractive because of his money."
"She's bamboozling him."
"He's telling her what she wants to hear."
But what if the other one IS better for the one you want? Are you hanging onto stubbornness even when you know you aren't the best mate? When your emotions are clouding your judgment, how can you even tell?
Sometimes it helps to step back from your feelings and look at the situation objectively. (I know, good luck where hormones and hearts are concerned.) But if you truly care for the one we'll call your hopeful, you'll want to give that person the best, even if the best match isn't you.
Are they better matched on a fundamental, daily level?
Life is about more than weekend hotels and secret rendez-vous. When the shine is off, it's about how you live together on a daily basis. Do they match up on that level of kitchen and living room comfort as well the bedroom comfort? If you and your hopeful are great at parties and clandestine soul baring but find there's drama and impediments while the other is better matched to daily life, you might want to reconsider.
Is their friendship woven deeply into the other's life?
Not all friends make great lovers. But long-term relationships must have that ability to get to the deep heart of the other person without it being a big discussion or dramatic revelation. Look at couples that work and you'll see an ease and symmetry to their interpersonal engagement that seems to spring from some natural intimacy. It's not only the energetics of passion, but the deep heat of a fire that appears long-tended, even if they've not known each other for as long as you have. Step away from that. It's rare. And someone you love deserves that.
Has their connection begun or gotten stronger while you've been in the picture?
This is a hard one, but if your hopeful has found a satisfying involvement with another person while you've been in the picture, then you might want to ask what was missing between the two of you that made such a relationship necessary?
In doing so, you might realize that not only does your hopeful deserve the full bounty of Love, but so do you. Letting your hopeful go to a better match opens your life for a better one too.
Have you ever had to face this? When did you realize you were going to have to let go?
h/t: Thought Catalog
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