Being 'ghosted' is like getting your heart ripped out and stomped on. Well, maybe that's an exaggeration. The truth is, having anyone just up and be done with you out of what feels like no where hurts. Maybe you weren't even totally into them, but the rejection feels like failure and stings nonetheless. And as for the ones you hoped would stick around? That definitely takes its toll. Everything seems to be going well, when suddenly it's not and you're left scratching your head and picking up the pieces of your reckless emotions.
Here is one woman's journey of getting ghosted and the toll it took on her.
- The first date
"Let's just say my internet dates tend not to be the best, so I'm trying to manage my expectations for this one. It's also a Wednesday, so I'm fairly turned down."
2. ...and he's cool!
"Whatttt. I walk into the bar and spot him immediately: he looks like his pictures but like, more charming. Think 'crooked smile, thick plastic glasses frames, sparkling eyes' charming. We joke about the pretentious names of things on the food menu and I note a nice laugh. He tells me about his recent move here from the Midwest and how he thinks New York can be a little lonely. Is it possible for a guy on Tinder to both be hot and also intensely normal? This is the best Wednesday of my life."
3. His hand is on my knee.
"Feels totally natural. I'm getting a little tipsy, and when there's a brief silence, we lock eyes, and he leans in. I don't usually kiss on a first date, but it feels so... easy. Our lips meet."
4. We're that couple.
"I'm embarrassed that I'm letting it happen, but utter and unabashed making out in public at 7:30 p.m. is in progress. He's an amazing kisser, and his hands are everywhere, IS THIS REAL LIFE? He smells like masculine honey dew melon and I am WITH that."
5. He's asking me to go home with him.
"'Let's go back to my place' he whispers, grabbing my ass, and I am definitely in uncharted territory. Is this moving fast because it's a miracle of chemistry or he does this all the time? I can't tell, but I kind of don't care though. He smells so, so good. And he's totally trustworthy because of the glasses."
6. I'm considering it.
"He's literally tugging on the hem of my shirt with a sly smile. Maybe I can call in sick tomorrow..."
7. But that's just not me.
"OK, OK, OK, I definitely can't do this. I tell him I can't tonight, but I absolutely want to see him again and continue smashing our faces together at some point in the future."
8. Then there's more making out.
"OK maybe I'm letting him down TOO easy, but we stop to makeout virtually twice per block as he walks me to the subway, and we somehow incorporate some scaffolding at one point. Not my classiest moment, but so, so worth it."
9. Feeling confident going home.
"Time for goodbyes. I'm cotton mouthed and just starting to sober up. We're both out of the town this weekend, so he suggests we meet up Monday after work. One last kiss."
10. Encouraging text Re: Plans on Monday.
"Yup, he texts ON THE WAY HOME about a date on Monday. The message pops up with a winky face when I'm walking out of my subway station in Brooklyn. We'll decide later when to meet up after work that day, he says, and I believe him. Yay!"
11. Text on Monday to see what the deal is.
"So, it's 4 p.m.ish on Monday and I'm in the sexiest outfit I can feasibly get away with at work. It's a little weird that I didn't hear from him over the weekend, but I figure he was playing it cool. I give in and text first. 'We still on for tonight?' *WINKY FACES*"
12. He can't make it.
"He texts back a vague excuse. Oh, OK. Like... OK. I'm disappointed that he won't see my hot dress, but figure we can always reschedule."
13. We make plans for Friday.
"That makeout session is still fresh in my mind and clouding my judgement. I don't see any warning signs here just yet because I'm too sprung on how great the date was, how attractive and charming he was, how utterly into me he had seemed."
14. Slowly realize over several days that I'm never going to hear from him again.
"My last unanswered text ('Free Friday?') is ticking minutes, hours, and finally days since I've heard from him. Is this... it can't be."
"It totally is, I'm being ghosted. Am I being dramatic? It's legitimately devastating to lose all contact with someone you were super excited to bone. I have never met a man who smelled like a sexy melon with a note of wood chips before and now I have to accept that I might never do so again. And his glasses game was so strong. And he hated the word 'artisinal.' God, why."
16. Try not to text
"Has anything ever been this hard? I want to ask if I did something wrong, if his phone broke, if he has a girlfriend, if he was just really drunk. So many questions, and I know even if I ask them I won't get the truth."
17. Text, but wish I hadn't
"'Hey.' Like, how many times must I submit myself to rejection. The unanswered messages are just sitting there."
18. Want to throw myself at him
"SEXY PICTURES WILL SURELY GET ME A TEXT BACK, RIGHT? Genius. (Don't worry, I didn't. But I almost did and that's bad enough). I delete his number in my contacts to reduce temptation."
19. Want to make him feel bad
"'Whatever, you're not that hot anyway' is such a white-male-on-OKCupid thing to say but I have the urge to say something hurtful. Too bad I can't come up with anything because he was basically perfect."
20. Grieve again
"Teensy bit more grieving? Don't mind if I do. The worst part is I haven't really told anyone about this because I'm ashamed that I sucked face a stranger and then expected him to talk to me after. I want my friends to think I'm not as naive as that, so I'm suffering in silence."
21. Still grieving
"Gotta get it all out. I finally delete all traces of his number in my phone (his number with the midwestern area code was still in my missed call log), and officially abandon all hope."
22. Accept it
"FIIIINE. This sucks and I don't know why it happened, but it's time to cut the losses and stop expending energy wondering if I stumbled into some bad lighting or my hair went flat. Or if he was gay. Still definitely want to know why he did this though. E, if you're out there, wtf?"
23. Find stuff that was wrong with him.
"His smile was crooked, after all. Let's just for all practical purposes consider that 'busted.'"
24. Move on...
"Eh, it's tough out here, but these things are character building."
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