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Sex Drive Killers. What They Are and How To Fix Them!

April 21, 2015 3 min read

Occasionally, sex plays out like a movie. You passionately tear off each other's clothes, he throws you down on the bed and within minutes, you're climaxing in unison. But, this isn't always our reality. Sometimes life gets in the way, killing the libido. The kids barge in, you had a bad day at work, he's had too much to drink. When these mood (and erection) killing moments arise, it is important to remember that they are perfectly normal and may actually improve you relationship if you use them to try new things says sex therapist Megan Fleming, Ph.D., founder of GreatLifeGreatSex.com. Use this as your guide to more nights of movie like sex!

Sex Killer #1: You're both stressed out.

He may want to have sex to relieve tension but that doesn't always work for you. Mary Jane Minkin, M.D., a clinical professor of obstetrics, gynecology, and reproductive sciences at Yale says that stress kills desire in females. THE FIX: Talk to your partner and set a time when you both deal with the things you must do. That way you get your worrying done then, leaving your sexy time stress free.

Sex Killer #2: You experience pain during sex.

Sex isn't any fun when it hurts. Pain during penetration can be due to dryness or a vaginal infection but you should make an appointment with your gyno to rule out anything more serious. THE FIX: Make that appointment with your doctor. In the meantime, try a quality silicone lubricant, they are slicker than the glycerin based varieties. Have him squeeze a dab onto his finger and then slowly insert it in and out of your vagina, coating the inside walls and around the vaginal opening.

Sex Killer #3: You're a few months pregnant.

A study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that 42 percent of pregnant women feel less attractive and 1 in 4 say their partner's desire fell off during pregnancy. THE FIX: Try positions that will be most comfortable for you like doggy style or woman on top. Woman on top is a great way to show off the extra fullness you may have gained in your breasts.

Sex Killer #4: The kids never leave you alone.

It is hard to get in the mood with the kids running around screaming or crying. If you are the primary caregiver, it may be hard for you to transition from that 'mom' role into that of the wanton sex kitten. THE FIX: Make your bedroom a boudoir. Tell your kids that your room is an adult only zone. If there are toys lying around, remove them from the room. Having them in your space makes it harder for you to switch gears and slip into the sexual side of your womanhood. If the kids are all tucked away somewhere but you are worried they will hear you, use these tips to prevent having to answer a bunch of awkward questions.

 Sex Killer #5: He's had a few too many drinks.

We've all been there. He may not be drunk but he just can't get there. Alcohol depresses the nervous system which makes it difficult for men to achieve orgasm. THE FIX: Try something different. Try a position where he has to more or less be upright. Have him stand, resting his hips on the edge of the bed and you lie on your back in front of him. This position give him some support without letting him nod off like he might in straight missionary.

 Sex Killer #6: Your sex life lacks spark.

Sure, everyone slips into predictability once in a while but staying in that space too long can lead to extreme boredom in the bedroom. THE FIX: Get yourself primed. Go for a work out, masturbate on your own or read some erotic fiction. This will start a fire that will be explosive when you and your partner come back together. Use this spark to touch and explore one another, tell each other what feels good. This is a perfect way to discover some new go to moves. No reason to dely, get back on track tonight!

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