Have Sex Without Waking the Kids -- A How To Guide

Quiet sex just doesn't feel the same. It is no fun when you have to worry about every moan or bedspring creak. Unfortunately, that sort of worry is familiar to many parents with children sleeping on the other side of paper thin walls. Don't fear. Follow these soundproofing tips and you are free. You are limited only by your imagination. Embrace the comfort of knowing your sounds of ecstasy will be muffled. Of course you could just wait until the kids are out of the house - but then that means scheduling your sexy time around soccer practice drop offs. Taking the time and putting in the energy to maintain a solid intimate connection in the middle of parenting chaos will not only help keep your relationship healthy, but it can help relieve a lot of the stress that comes with parenting.

Build a Blanket Fort

Add more pillows and blankets to the bed and hide out underneath. Tom Player, director of Lost Track Productions, explains that when higher frequency sound waves enter the blankets, they become tiny waves and are trapped in the fibers. Other soft objects, like a sofa or a bed, absorb some sound but the best sound absorbents in the house are the pillows and blankets. Player warns that some caution is needed with this one. The blankets will only absorb so much and the deeper tones will definitely leak through.

Hop in the Shower

Not just for getting clean, now you can use the shower to get a little dirty. Water shatters sound into millions of pieces. “As the shower water comes down, the sound waves will physically bump into the droplets at countless points,” explains Maria Canul, a former acoustics engineer with the Sound Research Corporation. “Each time this happens, it will slow down the waves, change their shape, and chop them up.” This one carries a warning as well: hot water loosens your vocal cords making your voice deeper and more likely to travel throughout the house. Screen Shot 2015-03-30 at 11.24.37 AM

Distract Tykes with Tunes

Although setting the mood with some slow jams may be second nature, perhaps it is time to think about playing non sexy music in your kids' room. Michael Ibarra, co-owner of Soundproof Chicago, a commercial soundproofing company, says that lullabies work but white noise machines are constant and can best mask any of the sounds your kids might hear.

Get a Better Bed

A squeaky bed frame will almost always blow your cover but a new one could change all that. Ibarra suggests an elevated frame so the vibrations won't reverberate through the floor (a rug under the bed may also add extra protection). If it is the mattress springs making all the noise, Ibarra has a possible solution. Invest in a memory foam mattress. It will help muffle sounds.

Buy More Eggs

Yes, eggs. What you need is the foam carton. Stick the foam between the bottom of the door and the floor (a blanket or towel could work as well). Canul explains that the foam's curves are similar to those of sound waves which helps trap and break up sound leaving you free to get frisky. Did we miss any suggestions? Anything to add to the playbook? Let us know in the comments below!    

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