January 02, 2015
Sh*t My Naturopath Says
I’ve recently started seeing a naturopath for my crypt-keeper-esque skin and she is one of the cutest, funniest people I’ve ever met. She’s so passionate about what she does that she gets very worked up. She’s also very French, and I’m not sure if it’s the accent/occasional word mix-ups that make what she says so hilarious, but there are definitely some real keepers from her list of aphorisms. You’re a very pretty girl, but your insides are not very pretty: Okay, this one she actually only said once, but it was in our very first meeting and she had just read through my health survey (which was incredibly thorough), and studying my eyes (which is a real thing called iridology – kind of like reflexology but with your eyes). BASICALLY, she gleaned everything that was wrong with my inner workings, and this was her great way to break it to me. You need to be able to pronounce all the ingredients: She keeps a basket of food packaging in her office, which she uses to illustrate her point. It’s actually pretty effective when you see Dempster’s ingredients vs. another healthier alternative. Just a half hour session with her and you’ll want to grow your own vegetables, buy a chicken coop, and learn to churn your own butter. Her spring cleaning analogy: She has very strong opinions about colon cleanse/detox products. How she put it, was that it’s fine to do a spring cleaning, but then you don’t do the dishes, you don’t clean the washrooms, you don’t vacuum or dust all year long? You wouldn’t do this with your house so you shouldn’t do it with your body, you should be maintaining your internal health on a regular basis rather than doing a big cleanse of your system. That don’t impress-a me much. You know? I’m like Shania: This one was in reference to people boasting about their health products. She gets really animated about people thinking that just because something is “organic” or “gluten-free” it automatically makes that product healthy. Again, she’s BIG on reading ingredients and understanding what you’re putting into your body. Also, she said this with a sassy head shake, and it’s been years since I’ve heard a good Shania Twain reference.