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Why Staying In Dating Purgatory Is Ruining Your Shot At Real Love

May 12, 2015 3 min read

If you are looking for something real, dating purgatory can feel more like dating hell. All too often we accept purgatory as the way it is instead of pursuing something more real. What is dating purgatory? It is whenever you have one foot out the door instead of just leaving (or just jumping in completely), it is when you date someone who doesn't want anything serious even though you do. It is still checking your Tinder account because you aren't completely happy with the one you're with. It is dating someone while thinking you can do better. It seems many of us want true love but aren't willing to actually do what it takes to get there. Here are the ways staying in dating purgatory can hurt your chances of finding love in the future:

You losing your “stickiness.”

Follow me on this for a second. Think of serial daters as a big group of stickers. When the stickers are new, they are able to form a strong bond, and stick to pretty much any surface. Every time you hook up with someone casually or stay in a 'no future' relationship, you lose some of your stickiness. The problem with losing your stickiness is that each time you attempt to stick onto someone new, it gets easier and easier to pull away. Sticking and then unsticking makes it really difficult to attach yourself to the right person, let alone even see the right person when s/he comes along.

You're in denial about what the real deal looks like.

The real deal involves self-sacrifice. It is not going on Tinder to see what else is out there. It is jumping in with both feet. It is knowing where you stand with one another. And the thing is, sacrifices aren't that hard when it is right. You know what you have cannot be beaten. It takes bravery to commit to someone, there may be a small amount of fear in the back of your mind. Maybe it won't work out. But in order to find out if it can, you need to cut ties with your no strings attached partners. You need to face your fear and do it anyway.

You've gotten used to not being anyone’s priority.

You have gotten comfortable being an option and not the only. You are letting undeserving people take up your time and emotional space. If it is something that is real, you'll be a priority. Or vice versa. If you think something could work but aren't certain, why not move it off the back burner and give it a go? You can't know if you don't try.

You're not resisting mediocrity.

Purgatory equals mediocrity. Especially since what you want is something lasting, real and permanent. Perhaps you don't ask questions of your 'non relationship' because you don't want to be trouble. Why would they keep you around for fun times if you are trying to be too serious? You tiptoe around the issue of “What are we?” and dance around the question of “What do you want this to be?" Don't be with someone unless they step it up. If someone isn't all in (or you're not all in), it is time to head for the door. Unless there is at least a mild form of adoration, you're in purgatory! You deserve more than this strange, entrapping, middle ground so it is time to act like you do. Stay single until you find someone you're 100 percent interested in who is 100 percent interested in you. If you want a real relationship, you can't be in a pseudo relationship. You cannot fake your way through this. It means tough choices and some sacrifices but it will be worth it to you when you find what you're searching for. It is better to be alone than lonely with someone else, am I right?

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