February 19, 2014
Staying Fit on Shark Week
For someone who used to have nosebleed fountains, fainting, and the occasional seizure when I got my period, working out wasn’t exactly my main priority during shark week (Thank god for the pill, am I right?).
When you’re bleeding the lining of your uterus from your sexual organs, it’s easy to get off track health-wise. Here are some helpful hints for when you’re on auto-drip. The days leading up to Ant Flo’s visit are integral.
Prep list:
- Enlist the help of others.
This means either a gym buddy to force you to go, or just getting your roommate to guilt you out of buying cookies. It’s much easier to be healthy if you’ve got a support net.
- Do a really good full work out in the days before shark week.
Not only will it help alleviate cramps, but that way you won’t feel so guilty if you’re too busy riding the crimson wave to get to the gym.
- Prepare for your cravings.
If your downfall is pizza, get ingredients for English muffin pizzas, much better than a late night run to Domino’s. Chips? Invest in rice chips or crispy minis. I have a giant collection of teas, and for my chocolate cravings I have: orange chocolate tea, mint chocolate rooibos, read my lips, chocolate rocket, chocolate cake tea, birthday cake tea, and red velvet cake tea. I know my enemy, and Chocolate is thy name.
When you’ve fallen to the communists, not only are you more prone to bear attacks, but your motivation will go way down. With any luck, this prep has made it easy to stay healthy when you’re seeing red.
Fun fact: you can still lift weights while sitting down, balancing a heated magic bag on your angry uterus.
Hopefully your woman-time isn’t too much of a detriment to your health routine, but if you do get off track, try not to feel too down, if you’re a work-out machine the rest of the month, I think you can take a week off for blood-letting.
Remember, jokes about menstruation aren’t funny. PERIOD.
When you’re bleeding the lining of your uterus from your sexual organs, it’s easy to get off track health-wise. Here are some helpful hints for when you’re on auto-drip. The days leading up to Ant Flo’s visit are integral.
Prep list:
- Enlist the help of others.
This means either a gym buddy to force you to go, or just getting your roommate to guilt you out of buying cookies. It’s much easier to be healthy if you’ve got a support net.
- Do a really good full work out in the days before shark week.
Not only will it help alleviate cramps, but that way you won’t feel so guilty if you’re too busy riding the crimson wave to get to the gym.
- Prepare for your cravings.
If your downfall is pizza, get ingredients for English muffin pizzas, much better than a late night run to Domino’s. Chips? Invest in rice chips or crispy minis. I have a giant collection of teas, and for my chocolate cravings I have: orange chocolate tea, mint chocolate rooibos, read my lips, chocolate rocket, chocolate cake tea, birthday cake tea, and red velvet cake tea. I know my enemy, and Chocolate is thy name.
When you’ve fallen to the communists, not only are you more prone to bear attacks, but your motivation will go way down. With any luck, this prep has made it easy to stay healthy when you’re seeing red.
Fun fact: you can still lift weights while sitting down, balancing a heated magic bag on your angry uterus.
Hopefully your woman-time isn’t too much of a detriment to your health routine, but if you do get off track, try not to feel too down, if you’re a work-out machine the rest of the month, I think you can take a week off for blood-letting.
Remember, jokes about menstruation aren’t funny. PERIOD.