Influential therapists John and Julie Gottman have extensively researched marriage behaviours that ultimately lead to the uncoupling of relationships. All relationships have hints of these behaviours within them, but it's these four signs which these renowned doctors predict that divorce is on the horizon:
1) Attacking The Person And Not The Behaviour
Making jabs at your partner's character traits and not the problem at hand is a major sign. Generalizations like "you're the type of person who" or "you always" are attacks that are rooted deeper than one fight, they stem from emotions that have been brewing for some time.
If something has happened that upsets you, it's important to point out the behaviour and how it makes you feel.
2) Feeling Or Expressing Contempt Toward Your Spouse
This includes: calling your spouse names, sneering, rolling your eyes, making harsh 'jokes' or using hurtful sarcasm. An abundance of this behaviour in a relationship can be a form of psychological abuse and should be stopped right away.
It's important to build a realm of respect, appreciation and esteem when it comes to communicating.
3) Being On The Defensive Constantly
You may not even realize this, but meeting every complaint with a counter complaint and playing the victim are two ways that someone can be on the defensive. Never taking accountability for mistakes builds tension.
Listen, stay neutral and try to see things from your partner's perspective.
4) Shutting Your Partner Out
Withdrawing from your partner conveys that you are being cold, distant and even smug.
If you feel emotionally overwhelmed, take a mutual break from your discussion and come back to it when you are ready. You have to remain open in order to successfully communicate and resolve issues.
Do you agree with these four signs? What is your top relationship advice?
Source: Good Men Project
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