Sometimes we think of a 'good' relationship and a 'bad' relationship as two very black and white, cut and dry concepts. A good relationship is one that is ideal and a bad one is where abuse, constant fighting and perhaps even infidelity occur. But the toxicity of a relationship is not always obvious. Here are 7 ways to spot if your relationship could actually be bad for you.
#1 How Apologizes Are Handled
You and your partner can open up, admit your faults and move on.
An apology is a rare thing, and it's usually heavy-handed.
“Some people have difficulty with apologies because it can create a sense of vulnerability.” says Anne Brennan Malec, clinical psychologist. She explains that even when this happens, a caring partner will bite the bullet and say they are sorry rather than continually hurting you.
#2 What You Emphasize About Your Partner
You mostly focus on the positives, maybe splicing in some things you wish you could change.
You mostly focus on the negatives and voice your complaints constantly.
Happy relationships have a significant focus on what is going right. If you're always frustrated with what is going wrong, something needs to change.
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#3 The Presence of Silent Treatment
Not a lot of silent treatment or immature fighting. Everything is worked out with effective language.
You're both constantly ignoring each other, engaging in petty behaviour and icing each other out.
“The person who’s left behind doesn’t know what’s going on, or whether their partner is even still interested in being with them.” says Malec. This can be especially damaging to one's sense of self if it continues.
#4 The Level of Dependability
You trust your partner to get stuff done.
You can't be sure if they'll keep their promise.
Toxic relationships always have a sense of anxiety and mistrust brewing in the background. You can't trust your partner's word, and that isn't right.
#5 The Occurrence of All-Out Blow Ups
Fights are not very common, and blow ups are even more rare.
Misplacing the car keys starts World War 3.
“It can be hard for people to recognize that having different opinions doesn’t mean anyone’s right or wrong,” says Malec. “I frequently see deep levels of resentment and criticism in toxic relationships."
#6 Your Comfort Level With Being Alone
It's okay if your man goes out for a drink with a friend, you can spend the evening alone no problem.
30 missed calls, 25 texts, 15 voicemails...
A co-dependent relationship can become dangerous at that level. You should be able to spend time apart without a total freakout or paranoia.
#7 If You Can Open Up
You can express your opinions and share your thoughts.
You keep everything bottled up inside.
“It can be a subtle sign that you’re afraid of upsetting your partner." says Malec. Your partner is your other half, and you shouldn't be afraid of telling them how you feel.
What are your thoughts? Are you in a healthy or toxic relationship?
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