The Best Way to Share a Deep Dark Secret With Your Partner

Unfortunately, not everything can go as planned in life. Good people do bad things, and are left to try to pick up the pieces and explain what happened. And when it happens behind closed doors, and the person doesn't necessarily have to explain themselves because no one knows, they're left with an overwhelming amount of guilt and the decision of whether or not they should expose the truth. Exposing a dark secret to your partner is necessary. Here's how to do it. This is especially hard when it comes to relationships. When you make the decision to tell them, you need to find out just the right method for doing so. “Shame has the tendency to rule us,” explains licensed marriage and family therapist David Klow, who is the owner of Skylight Counseling Center in Chicago. “We worry that if we share something dark from our past that our partner will not love us.” Because of this, we tend to hide that for which we are at fault simply because we're scared of the consequences. Will they leave us if they find out? The importance of getting past that fear and doing the deed is important for a variety of reasons, notes licensed marriage and family therapist Lesli Doares, who is the author of Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage. “Once the secret is held back, it becomes harder to share and, thus, gains more power to bring harm to the relationship,” she says. The stress can really take its toll if someone else is aware of what happened as well. Your secret could also be keeping your relationship from reaching new levels. “Whatever this thing is helped make you who you are today,” says Doares. “If they cannot accept your past, then how can they really accept you?”Is the secret something that will impact your partner's health, such as an STD? Then it is even more pertinent that this information is shared with them. Klow notes, in regards to this, that there is no set schedule for when it's the right time to reveal it. But if it's a first date, perhaps hold off until things get physical or close to it. Klow says that you don't want to bombard the person out of the blue, but rather inform them that a conversation needs to be had, and let them know that there is something difficult you need to discuss. “It is also important that you be calm in the face of whatever reaction occurs,” she says. “While it may be hard to be quiet while your partner processes what you shared, it is one of the most mature and respectful thing you can do.” When having the conversation, note what you learned from your experience and how it has made you a better person today. This might shift their response. And once you've opened up, know that your partner might not let the conversation be over in just one sitting. “It may take more than one conversation for your partner to fully process the information,” says Doares. “Resist the urge to push, or you could push them out the door.” Have you ever been in this situation? On which end? How did you react? Source: Women's Health Do you follow us on Instagram? [caption id="attachment_114150" align="alignnone" width="100"]snapchat code @BodyRockTV[/caption]

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