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What is it about wanting someone unattainable that is so addicting?

May 26, 2015 2 min read

We've all found ourselves wanting what we couldn't have. Longing for that person we know we can never truly keep. It is tortuous, yet strangely addictive. That pain we feel when our object of affection does nothing to reciprocate our desires of love. Perhaps they only fulfil our desires of sex or perhaps they don't respond at all. We rake ourselves over the coals hoping that somehow they will have a change of heart. The sleepless nights we spend wondering how and why and if... atumb Could this exquisite pain, this devastating, difficult, desolate dalliance be actually addicting? Do we really crave the drama and hardship of love over more the simple and normal (some would say boring) side of things? "Some women chase unattainable love because, deep down, they don’t feel worthy of the real deal," says April Masini, a renowned relationship expert and author."Chasing unattainable love is also a distraction from the challenge that finding true love takes." The high we get from the "pain chase" could be because it is all we allow ourselves to have. Women can get stuck in a pattern of heartache over happiness because of subconscious insecurity. "Breaking free from a 'pain chase' requires an altered consciousness," says Masini. "In other words, you have to look at things differently than you have been. Decide what you really want and be brutally honest with yourself. It’s one thing to lie to others, but if you find you’re lying to yourself, you’re in trouble." The solution is to ask yourself the big questions. Do you want to marry? Do you want a family? Do you want to live in the city with your husband or move to the country to raise your children? Being very articulate and deniably honest with your inner feelings will set you free. It will map out exactly what you want and open the door for you to pursue it. Having a goal for a positive future is the first step in achieving a positive future. What do you think? Can we become addicts to unattainable love? Share your thoughts!

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