If you know me, then you know I love yoga, especially hot yoga. And if you have read or heard anything about yoga, then you know about all of the amazing health benefits that it provides: improved flexibility, lower risk of heart attack, relieving depression, lower blood pressure, blah blah blah. Hot yoga is known for all of these pluses and more: being a more intense workout, being able to get deeper into postures, and detoxification are some main bonuses often mentioned.
But for the rest of this blog I’m not going to talk about any of that. I’m here to talk about the rarely mentioned perk to hot yoga: that my boobs look awesome when they’re sweaty. Yes, for straight men and lesbians everywhere, boobs in general are awesome, but mine seem to get even more awesome when glistening with the sweat from a proper hot yoga class.
But MK (you may ask), can’t you get that same sweat from any old workout? NO. Sure, a run or a bodypump class might get you sweaty, a boxing class is sure to be more of a workout, but hot yoga is unique in the fact that you are covered in a fine layer of sweat just from laying in shavasana (corpse pose). By the time your third down dog comes around you are literally dripping with perspiration. Incidentally, it was in downward facing dog that I first became aware of this particular advantage of hot yoga; looking at my hands my eyes moved to my chest and I realized “damn, are those mine? All dangly, full, and shiny? Wish some hot guys could appear right now.” I then realized that my hair was falling out of it’s bun, my face was redder than a tomato, and every pore was gushing moisture – not just the pores that gave my boobs their awesome sheen, and I was in a room filled with size 2 dancers – hot boys were the last thing I needed right then. But if some hot guys could show up, see how awesome my boobs were, and ignore everything else about the situation, then that would be great.
Now, I am a 36C/34D, so I do have a bit of wealth in the chest, but I snuck a peek at my moderately breasted neighbour during practice, and her girls still looked pretty spectacular. Since I am clearly not the only benefactor from this quality of hot yoga, I’m not sure why more health journals haven’t mentioned it. So I urge you, friends, family, and the people of tumblr, to try hot yoga not for the sense of calm you may attain, or the healthy lifestyle you may acquire, but for the simple fact that your boobs will look really friggin' awesome.
You can read more of my inane banter here.