Why You're Sexiest When You're Not Even Trying

A colleague once said to me, "Take your time, be yourself, and accept that you're going to lose a few deals. But especially be yourself. Desperation has a scent." And so it is with relationships as well as business deals. Isopraxism, or mirroring another person in gestures, voice and tone, word choice, body language, is an evolutionary part of facilitating courtship. This can happen consciously or unconsciously when two people begin to be drawn to each other. But there is another kind of display that is less attractive, and in fact, could be having the opposite effect on an intended partner. And that is dressing and acting accordingly to what we believe someone else would like us to be. As with business, where "desperation has a scent," that mask does not allow who we really are to attract the people we will actually be happy attracting into our lives. Maybe more guys will show up - but it'll be for the cleavage, not the woman attached to it.  If you're wearing a hot dress that you feel uncomfortable in, you'll spend the evening adjusting it, not letting yourself get into conversations that will reveal your personality, which is when you'll really shine. In fact, use your authentic self to BOOST your confidence, not substitute unfamiliar and uncomfortable ways of speaking or dressing that make you feel less confident. I had to attend an event about a year ago and I was feeling nervous about the number of strangers I'd have to introduce myself to that night. I knew I was wearing a cute dress, but I went for my battered cowboy boots instead of the heels I had planned to wear. Those are my personality, they're my comfort food for my feet, and I walked in literally on a familiar footing. That night I made more friends and connections (and got more attention from men) than I would have ever imagined. Before you go trying to contour your face into some approximation of your favourite YouTube model or initiate a conversation on a topic you aren't interested in for the sake of someone you don't even know yet, remember this: You're already everything you need to be to attract a date you'll actually enjoy getting to know. And why would you want anything else? Tell us about a time you weren't dressed or in a mood to go out and it turned out better than you could have imagined. You know you've got that story!      

Leave a comment

All comments are moderated before being published